I reallly should be sleeping right now but i cant help but think about this weekend and what happened.I was really glad to see u again i miss you like crazy and i can still smell the scent of your skin stuck on me. I needed to see if this was still worth it ,If i should give it a another shot but i ended dissapointed once again.It just wont ever work between us because im the only one who wants it, who wants it to be good i dont want to ignore everything else that happened like you, in order for us to be in a good place we both needed to help solve the issues we had, but you just werent there. I hate that u think im always trying to start drama or trying to fight. Open your eyes my love I wasnt fighting you if youre smart as you claim to be you wouldve seen that i was fighting for you, i wanted you to fucken fight for me i wanted you to not give up on me on us. I wanted you to give it your all and fight for your ''love'' but i wasnt seeing that.I wanted you to fucking try to make it better and not ignore what had happened i wanted you to help me get better and make it better for the sake of our relationship BUT i wasnt seeing that!Dont you see im truly hurt inside, it got so bad it got to the point that i needed pills to numb the pain i felt and help me sleep at night.Theres things you dont know about my childhood and what ive done. And i didnt want to fall back to that place ever again. Pain from my childhood and heartbreak were eating me alive i really felt like i was going to lose it at one point i swear its the worst feeling in the world. And it hurts me more to hear you say these things to me and see you act so insensitive towards how i feel.
You know how i feel about you and i wouldve done anything in the world to mend the relationship but i didnt see that with you.
''You're not the man Who would bleed for me But never shed a tear You're not the one Who said he'd always, always, always be here said he'd always always be near ''As the years went by i reflected and looked back when i first met you...Im not a little girl anymore i grew up and saw what was really going on. I wasnt being loved back", i realized that all everything i thought was love wasnt. I felt like an idiot and i promised myself i wouldnt take you back but there i was running back to you hoping to receive the love i gave.. It was all lies and empty promises i loved you so much that i tried to ignore all that. I made myself believe that you did care and that you did love me and that i was the one for you but that was all in my head deep down i knew the truth i just didnt want to accept the reality.Thats the reality dear, You just dont love me ,you never loved me. I always saw my cousins having the perfect life married to their first love and i wanted the same, after getting hurt by you so many times i thought i was crazy to think you wanted me in your life forver but then i went back and re-read old msgs and i wasnt crazy! you claimed to love me, claimed that i was the love of your life..
Then i realized they were just sweet words without no meaning behind them.I never said or tried to marry you today or tommorow but what i did want one day was a life with you and that one day i was going to be your ''wife'' I really wished you kept your word with the ''promise ring'' you promised me when we first met on that rainy day.I lost a lot in this relationship.. i gave a way my virginity to a man who never truly genuienly loved me i lost my heart, the hope and the innocence i had, my views on life and men are not the same, the way i see people. I feel like a complete failure, i feel like i failed myself and betrayed myself for a love that never was real. I lost myself with you i gave you my all.I gave you my body and trust. And most importantly my love. Nothing but pure love from a young innocent girl. I looked up to you, i loved you so much and it hurts what you did to me not only did you lie but you cheated on me.I wasted my teenage years on you. never fucked never dated anyone else. You were and still are the only man ive ever been with. And it hurts to know i invested so much in you. But here i am, again on this dark cold night crying for you and aching. Last night was a chance to see if you really changed or if youre REALLY trying. I didnt see that, you kept putting me down like youve always have, ignoring everyhting else. I CANT IGNORE WHAT HURT ME! IN ORDER TO BE HAPPY AGAIN YOU NEEDED TO HELP HEAL THE WOUNDS BUT INSTEAD YOU STILL KEPT SCRATCHING MY INJURIES OVER AND OVER AGAIN. Not once did you say ''i love you'' saturday night you only did when i said it..I feel like im not a part of your life
i feel like i dont exist in your world, ive never met none of your friends or family and you refuse to meet mine [my parents are excluded].You wont even add me on your social networks so what does that mean? simple you dont want to be in a relationship and certainly not with me. Ive always been a dam secret and well thats not what i want anymore. I shouldnt be apologizing for how much i love you, but im sorry for everything for bugging you and getting on your nerves and pissing you off i didnt mean to but you take it all the wrong way you dont see whats really going on in my heart. And i cant make you or force you to change or understand any of it. I wish it couldve got better but it just didnt.Its time for me to move on with my life and heal myself by myself,the scars will never go away though and theyll always remind me of you..
I wish you the best alright ill always love you no matter what. I hope it all works out for you
and well dont come back looking for me later on because i wont be here anymore time is up! Take care
love Karla
You know how i feel about you and i wouldve done anything in the world to mend the relationship but i didnt see that with you.
''You're not the man Who would bleed for me But never shed a tear You're not the one Who said he'd always, always, always be here said he'd always always be near ''As the years went by i reflected and looked back when i first met you...Im not a little girl anymore i grew up and saw what was really going on. I wasnt being loved back", i realized that all everything i thought was love wasnt. I felt like an idiot and i promised myself i wouldnt take you back but there i was running back to you hoping to receive the love i gave.. It was all lies and empty promises i loved you so much that i tried to ignore all that. I made myself believe that you did care and that you did love me and that i was the one for you but that was all in my head deep down i knew the truth i just didnt want to accept the reality.Thats the reality dear, You just dont love me ,you never loved me. I always saw my cousins having the perfect life married to their first love and i wanted the same, after getting hurt by you so many times i thought i was crazy to think you wanted me in your life forver but then i went back and re-read old msgs and i wasnt crazy! you claimed to love me, claimed that i was the love of your life..
Then i realized they were just sweet words without no meaning behind them.I never said or tried to marry you today or tommorow but what i did want one day was a life with you and that one day i was going to be your ''wife'' I really wished you kept your word with the ''promise ring'' you promised me when we first met on that rainy day.I lost a lot in this relationship.. i gave a way my virginity to a man who never truly genuienly loved me i lost my heart, the hope and the innocence i had, my views on life and men are not the same, the way i see people. I feel like a complete failure, i feel like i failed myself and betrayed myself for a love that never was real. I lost myself with you i gave you my all.I gave you my body and trust. And most importantly my love. Nothing but pure love from a young innocent girl. I looked up to you, i loved you so much and it hurts what you did to me not only did you lie but you cheated on me.I wasted my teenage years on you. never fucked never dated anyone else. You were and still are the only man ive ever been with. And it hurts to know i invested so much in you. But here i am, again on this dark cold night crying for you and aching. Last night was a chance to see if you really changed or if youre REALLY trying. I didnt see that, you kept putting me down like youve always have, ignoring everyhting else. I CANT IGNORE WHAT HURT ME! IN ORDER TO BE HAPPY AGAIN YOU NEEDED TO HELP HEAL THE WOUNDS BUT INSTEAD YOU STILL KEPT SCRATCHING MY INJURIES OVER AND OVER AGAIN. Not once did you say ''i love you'' saturday night you only did when i said it..I feel like im not a part of your life
i feel like i dont exist in your world, ive never met none of your friends or family and you refuse to meet mine [my parents are excluded].You wont even add me on your social networks so what does that mean? simple you dont want to be in a relationship and certainly not with me. Ive always been a dam secret and well thats not what i want anymore. I shouldnt be apologizing for how much i love you, but im sorry for everything for bugging you and getting on your nerves and pissing you off i didnt mean to but you take it all the wrong way you dont see whats really going on in my heart. And i cant make you or force you to change or understand any of it. I wish it couldve got better but it just didnt.Its time for me to move on with my life and heal myself by myself,the scars will never go away though and theyll always remind me of you..
I wish you the best alright ill always love you no matter what. I hope it all works out for you
and well dont come back looking for me later on because i wont be here anymore time is up! Take care
love Karla
