Last time I wrote i talked about how we were currently not speaking to each other since i was really getting tired and was over it and really just wanted everything to be over , we got into an argument that made me ignore him for 1 week or so ,but then
On Friday June 15 2013, i was going to a concert with my brother & a friend of his ; i spent the whole morning shopping for an outfit & suddenly he texted me , i didn't think he would (he knew about the concert & had told me he was going to go a while back, when we were both in good terms) i was shocked that he texted that morning ,he asked what i was doing that night & he obviously knew already ,
him:'' karla''
Me:'' yes ''
him: ''hey''
him:''?''
me:''whats up?''
Him:''what are you doing tonite?''
me: ''pitbull''
Him: ''really what time are you going?''
Me: ''7''
Him:''who are you going with''
Me: ''brother and his friend''
Him:''can i see you & kiss you?''
Me:''are you going?''
Him:''i told you i wanted to go so i can see you''
me:''well ill be there''
We texted until night time, i didn't think he would go since he didn't like pitbull at all, but it seemed like he really was since he kept texting non stop while he was on his way there and asking all these questions about the concert ,but then suddenly stopped ,as soon as pitbull came on stage ,i was confused but really wasn't going to bother in calling or text him or let that ruend my night so i didn't pay much attention to it. The concert was over at 11:00 & as soon as it was over he texted ,asking all these questions about where i was who i was with ect. i wasn't having it and i decided to call him out and send him a nasty message ,i just didn't understand why he would say all that and not even try to see me when we where in the same place at the same time.
After this situation i tried to not talk to him he blew my phone all the time of course but i tried so hard not to reply or return any of his calls, i managed to ignore him for half a month or so ,UNTIL july 4th, he texted asking,
Him: ''what are you doing tonite ?'' ,
my mind started racing , i started to think ''he probably wants to hang out tonight and see the fireworks together ,how cute would that be if we spend 4th of july together'', & it mightve been a trap, since i was ignoring him he probably thought ''hmm if i text her asking what shes doing tonight she will probably reply back to me''
Me:''why''
Him: ''wtf where have you been. I been missing you so much. Do you have someone else now''
(i tried to act like i didnt miss him or cared so i acted cold)
me: ''na & why you asking what im doing tonight whats up''
Him: ''why have you been ignoring me. I know you have someone else''
me:''whats up''
Him ''tell me the truth''
Me:''i said na, whats up''
Him; ''what you doing tonite''
me:'' i don't know ,whats up?''
Him:'' i just hella miss you baby''
Him:''i got an iphone ill give you the # later''
me''yea but you never try to see me no more''
Him: ''yes i am''
me: ''ok flake'' (referring to our 2 year anniversary)
Him:'look im going to see you okay,you better not be talking to no guy you fucken hear me.''
Me: ''sure when''
Him: ''im aiming for next friday so i can take you out or maybe even this weekend''
I didn't even want to reply ,i should have known he wasnt going to ask me to hang out that night ,so i ignored the msg and went on with my day. The next day he texted asking how my 4th was and i didn't reply but he kept insisting & kept sending messages that whole day & night ,until he finally got my attention (it was 1:00am)
Him: ''karla''
me: ''what?''
Him: ''i love you "
as i read the message i broke down crying , ''oh i love you to'' I thought to myself i didn't reply to him though i couldn't i just wanted to be done with him as much as i didnt want to i knew i needed to let go before it was to late or maybe it was already was. I didn't really talk to him the following week either,but on that friday he texted asking what i was doing , (i didnt think he would actually keep his word about seeing me that friday so i didn't get my hopes up)
And well he surprisingly did
it was definitely very unexpected, i got ready as fast as i could, he was outside waiting, it was around 9:30 at night , i got in the car and left to His house, i was nervous had no clue about what was about to happen , I let mysself go and forgot about everything else about all the drama about all the times he did me wrong specially the time he stood me up for our 2 year ,
I COMPLETELY forgot about everything else. About anything else that existed in this world his eyes hypnotized me
"Do you love me?"
i asked him while we drove In the freeway ,
Him :"Yes!"
Me:"NO ! (i touched his face and moved it towards me )'' tell me you love me ,look at me in the eyes and say it "
Him: "I love you" looking at me with those big eyes, trying to look at the road at the Same time i smiled and turned my head to the window holding his hand thinking "god i love him so much" At this point nothing mattered nothing at all not even getting in trouble for coming home late or not answering no ones calls ,i didnt care the night was mine and i wanted to be with him without any interruptions ;/
Me: "can you believe ? We met when i was just a freshman, soon ill be SENIOR! ohh my gosh!!! Feels like for ever " * both looking at each other* (he smiles)
Him :"& its just been 2 years though , ! Going on 3 "
i WAS SHOCKED i wasn't expecting him to know that and to say that, it made me smile so much and made me happy
We finally arrived to his house he opened the door for me and grabbed me by the hand ,his dog came and started to lick my leg, iFREAKED OUT dogs scare me and didn't want this animal to lick me. "he's a sweethearts stop!" He said , we walked up to the front door & went inside his house, we walked inside his room shortly and next thing you know his Big dog was in the room with us, i jumped onto the bed saying ''get it out !''
He yells "here boy here boy come on " trying to get him out the room, it wasn't working until he brought a treat for him, the dog was out finally i thought
"Take off your shoes" he said and so i took them off and laid on the bed staring at his big flat screen while he sat on a chair changing the channels
"come here " i said i stood up to take my sweater off and suddenly he picked me up and put me to bed and i giggled , he got on top of me and started to kiss me, The room was pitch black but his tv lightened the whole room up, i let myself go that night, slowly Closed my eyes,he kissed me ,my neck, face, & all of my soul (grabbing his face, looking at each other while he's on top of me i asked ) " Do you love me ?" " yes i love you baby! " that was just music to my ears it made me so HAPPY i felt amazing! i missed him so much & had totally forgot about everything else that night. At this point i felt like i was in another planet i felt so out of this world ! i felt so loved i felt like i was alive again & it felt so good. he laid down and i got on top and started to kiss him. things obviously led to one thing and led to another.
i was still a virgin '' this won't be the night '' it could of went a different way but i didnt let it happen let it happen ,i wanted my night to be SPECIAL a late romantic night in the city of lights , in A beautiful Hotel right by the ocean, candles everywhere, Rose petals leading to the bed & a bouquet of Red roses laying on the bed, that was a special night , Not in his house in his room at 11 pm at night the day & time didn't just seem right at all.
Afterwards i sat on him & gave him a back massage, started to talk about the relationship & stuff "you do realize you still need to make up for what you did to me "
Him : "mhhhmmm"
Me: ''mhhhm no or mmhmm yea i know " he shook his head
Him: ''yes "
Me:''what are you going to do "
Him:'' i don't know yet" , &, random conversations came up & after that back rub we cuddled with each other and watched tv, he had no shirt on and
i rubbed his chest and played with his gold chain, all i wanted to do is fall asleep in the arms my man ,i layed my head right on his chest, finally being able to listen 2 his heart, that HEART he actually did HAVE, that heart he didn't show. But time was ticking & i had to head back home, he didn't want me to leave he wanted me to spend the night but i obviously couldn't ,everything felt so unreal for some reason ,i didnt want that happiness to go away ,i just didnt want to go home
i didn't want this to be over
i laid on my bed thinking about what had happened that night "i love him so much i don't think i could ever love anyone else like i love him i feel like i belong in his life like we were meant to meet each other and learn from one another and love each others flaws & grow stronger each day " i was head over heels " What you and I have is bigger than the mistakes we've made" no relationship is perfect yes, they all have they're issues and flaws and she loved him in her own special way & so did he.
But i guess happiness doesn't always last forever right ? 2 days later i found out the most shocking news of my life. I didn't know how to feel what to think, what to say, what to believe i couldn't sleep , couldn't even eat a thing. I had never felt so disappointed ,sad,shocked,embarrassed,angry
And betrayed in life much more like disgusted , in complete shock "what !! !? i don't understand why would you lie about your age & your name?"His name isnt even xavier dude wtf man
Yes after all i guess no one really knew his real AGE or name , "why the fuck would he lie? wasted his and my time for 2 years ? Someone please explain to me because I'm about to loose it i was so confused & all i did was cry & cry & cry. Having summer school the next day was a no ,i couldn't go i just couldn't, i was loving a man who i don't even truly know i don't know this person what the fuck why god?
He didn't know anything yet he thought everything was ok and i couldn't confront him now, i needed to plan it out and do it face to face and get answers to my questions,
This was one horrible week i couldn't believe what i had found out , just 2 days ago just 2 days ago i saw him & had one of the best nights with him & loved him like never before & i find this out ? I would have preferred to be dumped then to find this shit out i swear i can't take it!!! i talked with my friend , "I'm just glad you didn't fuck him" my friend said , & it was true i would have lost it and maybe would have done something crazy if i did.
I understand everything now i knew he was up to something i just didn't know what it was ugh
The worst part was, that i still had to keep playing along like if everything was okay & i couldn't I was DYING INSIDE i really just wanted to talk so much shit and say "yes i know the truth now !"
the day finally came sooner than i thought it would that following sunday he came to pick me up and go to his house
right before we took the freeway he stopped at the gasoline station
Him : " are you fucken serious ? Ok I'm taking you back home then
Me: "go ahead" (giving so much attitude he HATED that & he was getting real pissed off)
Driving back to my apartment just down the street, my heart started pounding i looked over & screamed...
"What's your name homie!"
(He suddenly looked at me looking so confused)
Him :''Huh? Wtf you talking about ''
Me: ''you know what I'm talking about AHMED!!!
Him: "your fucken crazy "
i started to cry
Me: "wtf is your real name man !! be fucken real already !!!"(starting to scream and get loud)
he didnt even know where to drive so he turned the corner and ended up parking in front of an elementary school.
Me: "fucken tell me homie !! I know everything already!! i know youre fucken 28 years old and your name! You fucken lied to me how could you !!!!
Him: wtf are you talking about my name is Xavier where the fuck you getting this shit from Me:"i fucken trusted you , what did i ever fucken do to you so i can deserve this !!! All i did was love you!!"
Him :"your fucken psycho !!!!I'm taking you home "
Me:''no don't fucken take me home !!!! I need the truth i need answers to my questions !! ''
Him: ''na I'm taking you home man,''
Me: ''why? Because i found out the truth"
Him:" na man cause your a fucken psycho bitch were done... no more !over!''
Me:'' ohh now your done huh? now that i know the truth !!"
Him: "what fucken truth mann!!!! Wtf were you getting this shit from!!!!
Me:'' just fucken tell me fuck I'm tired of this shit !!!!!!!!!! *Grabs an empty water bottle and throws it at him & attempts to slap him *
Him:"Wtf is your problem !!!!"
*Grabs purse and looks for fone *
Him:'' wtf are you doing ohh what your recording me now is what the fuck are you fucken doing ''
Me:'' stfu!!! I'm not''
*Reads information i found about Xavier*
Ahmed Castillo Born in January 28 ,1984 in Santa clara County ect.
What else are you fucken hiding !!!''
Him: ''where the fuck are you getting this from !? ''
Me:'' dont fucken worry ''
Him:'' were the fuck did you get it !!!! I said "
me: "The fucken internet where else!!!!!"
Him: *smirks* "& you believe everything you read on the internet??? "
Me:"tell me mann or else your going to make me do something "
Him:"do what huh!!!!!"
me:"watch it !!"...karmas a bitch!''
Him:''what you going to do huh!?! Watch it pshh"
Me"look just admit it and ill leave you alone i swear "
Him :''yea fuckin right man youre fucken crazy here threatening me!!''
*i reached to my purse and grabbed a letter & i threw it at him*
Me: I fucken swear!!!!!*crying hysterically* i would never do anything to hurt you"
Him:''what's this?''
*opens it up & begins to read it*
Me:''A letter i wrote i was going to leave it in your car when i left!!!''
The letter contained my feelings towards this whole situation how i never thought this would happed. And how betrayed i felt. I looked away facing the window crying & crying while he read the letter he set it aside and looked at me.
"You're beautiful" he said .
i looked at him with my teary eyes. Feeling confused not understanding anything at this point.
He grabbed my hand and tried to hold me but i refused. I was so vulnerable, he managed to grab me and sit me on his lap i started to cry. And he hugged me & i hugged him back , so TIGHT like if it was the first & last time they were going to ever see each other and most likely it was. I was so damn confused dude i didn't know how the fuck to feel part of me hated his ass. But the other part of me still loved him and didnt think this was true i felt like it was a bad dream. I felt like i was slowly dying in his arms "why did you do this why ? i dont deserve this" , i was a complete mess by now my hair on my face and tears running down, & makeup what makeup ? All washed away from the tears.
He forcefully kissed me, kissed my face kissed my neck, i yelled " stop! stop! this is wrong ,you're not him!! this is wrong stop stop " i could hardly even speak.
Him"Stop baby i love you , c'mon kiss me baby "
Me: "No! no! stop please this is wrong "
i kept crying and he forcefully still kissed my face
I tried to get away but i felt very weak
All the love i gave, all the effort none of that mattered. I felt like it was all memories and nothing only the pain remained.
He is way bigger than me and he had his hands wrapped around so i wouldn't escape. All i did was cry.
Him: "Kiss me baby kiss me tell me you love me "
Me: As i looked down i said i do love you but this can't be you fucken hurt me
awkward silence for a moment
He still kept trying to insist "kiss me!!''
He forced me to kiss him back while i cried
Me:" Tell me that your name is ahmed and your real age please don't lie anymore "
Him :"Mhhhhmm"
Me: What does that mean so yes?
Him:"oh my god i fucken told you already "
i finally managed to move away & crawl back to the passenger seat i was so disgusted that he found nothing wrong with this i was so confused.
Him:"I'm taking you home !"
*Starts the car*
Me: "No leave me here!!!"
Him:''Are you kidding me so someone cause take advantage of you? I'm taking you home ''
Me: ''Who fucken cares someone already did anyways'' ( i was referring to him)
Him :''well we don't want that to happen again''
*i opened the door while he was making a turn*
Him :"Close the fucken door !!!Dammmm close it!!!!
Me:"No leave me here I'm not going home!! "
*Had the door open with my foot out touching the ground *
Him : "You're making a fucken scene close the fucken door !!!!!"
Me:" i don't care leave me here ! "
Him:"Close the fucken door !!!!!!!!!!!!"
I was scared at this point i thought he was going to hit me since he was really angry. He finally stopped the car & i quickly got off and slammed the door. I immediately called my friend asking her to come pick me up i was crying so much i couldn't even speak & then he calls
Me:''what !''
Him:''come back to the fucken car''
Me: ''im not going back there!''
Him: ''dude!''
Me ''for what im already going to * grasps for air* (crying 2 much i couldnt even talk) just let me be already who cares!"
Him:" come back to the fucken i dont got no time for this drama shit dude come back "
Me'' just go home already why do you want to keep being around here just leave !!!!!!"
Him: "come back to the dam car"
Me:'' im not going back to the car ''
Him:"come back to the car''
Me:" no!" hysterically crying
Him:" come back to the fucken car"
Me:" and do what!"
Him:" yo!"
Me:" ugh dont take me home !!"
I was honestly scared i didn't know what he was going to do if i didn't go back to the car. The way he was screaming at me over the phone i was frightened
Him: "well... i dont want you out "
me:" well it doesn't matter no more "
Him:" you are acting hella drama right now can you stop"
Me:" were are you!"
Him : "im fucking i went around "
Me:" no don't! "
Him: "are you going to come back or not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Me: " no just go home i hate you!"
Him: " stop playing your pussy games "
Me:im not !!!!!!!!!! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE just go away (at this point i was crying hysterically)
Him:" come back to the car"
Me: "im not going back to the car ! "
Him: "come back to the car so i can take you home "
Me: " im not going back to the car there's no reason for me to go back to the car ! "
Him: "come back to the car so i can take back you home ''
Me:" i dont want to go home!!!!!!!!!!! how am i going to go back looking like this !!!!!!"
Him: "ok well come back to the car "
me: "for what"
Him: "so we can just fucken park some where"
me: "and do what for what"
Him: ''just chill !!!!!!!!!!! dude until your ready to go home !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "
Me:" ohhh my god!!!!!!!!!"
Him " son of a bitch! ........come back to the fucken car ! "
Me:" i dont even know where the fuck your at! "
Him :"son of a gun! just walk back where we where shitt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
At this point i really wasn't thinking nor wasn't aware of what i was doing i mean i had already called my friend to go rescue me from this nightmare and i begged him to leave me alone ,and go back?
It suddenly got dark and cloudy how ironic, it seemed to turn into a gloomy day after all the screaming and tears. So many things went through my mind while waiting for him, i didn't know if it was right to wait for him and leave with him, just felt so destroyed and hurt i still just couldn't beleive this was happening he later arrived about 3 minutes and we immediately drove off ,i looked at him and didn't know what to think, nor what to say anymore he pulled up sand forced me back into the car.
Him: ''what to do you want to do?''
me: ''there's nothing to do its a sunday night every things closed no wonder you ask huh''
he drove around the city not knowing where to go, while he drove around of course he touched me inappropriately , and tried to grab my hand, i kept refusing tried to move away from him. All i Really wanted was for him to come clean and accept his wrongs and admit he had lied and at least say he was sorry. But of course he wouldn't do it. He stopped at a gasoline station ONCE again but this time to really get off and put gas , i didn't know what the hell to do, i sat in the car while he put gas , he asked me to throw all the garbage he had in the car ,and so i did , i got off and threw them away, i took deep breath and looked around, i saw the moving cars the street lights, the people driving, and then i saw him and looked down, i got back in slowly and calmly, buckled up not knowing what was next. I felt helpess and didn't know if to take off running
As we drove off he ended up parking in the same hotel lupita had her party at. I really didn't want to be there but what could i do?
We just sat there in awkward silence then he started to touch my thighs and neck
I said "stop stop this cant be no more! " he tried to kiss me and touch me but i kept pushing him away from me. Part of me wanted to but the other side of me felt complete disgust and i was in such shock that what i had found was true! i really wanted to just cry but didn't want to no more. I was so vulnerable and i started to remember everything i had been through all the good times. But yet didn't want to let myself be weak.
He forced me into the back of the car he pulled me back to the seat i remember wearing shorts. It happened so fast i was trying to pull away but he kept forcing me down. I was laying down on the seat and he was on top of me. He put his pants down along with his boxers and took his dick out and kept forcing himself on me. Things happend that i didn't want to happen it fucken hurt like a bitch man! i cried and moaned the whole time and continuously yelled'' stop! stop! Get off me!''
It was wrong and nasty he is 12 fucken years older and his real name was ahmed all along and he was doing this to me WHAT THE FUCK! what made him think this was ok right now?? i was hurt and wanted an explanation i didnt want to fuck around i wanted to talk i wanted answers and apologies not this! fuck this makes me so mad and sad idk dude.... but i loved this man with all my heart i felt so betrayed and stupid
He kept going and didnt stop I was trying to push him off. But It seemed like he felt bad too for a moment because he suddenly stopped and said ''i give it to you you're a woman '' i didnt understand what he meant. He got off me pulled his pants back up and and went back to the front seat while i remained in the back he drove to taco bell, he asked me if i wanted anything but of course i didn't want to eat. It was the worst day of my life and he was acting like shit didnt happend . I said no thanks he parked and he ate. As i sat there i looked at him the whole time while he ate and i thought i love this man so much its crazy but he keeps hurting me i feel so used and lied to. He caught me staring and said
''what''?
Me:'' nothing''
Him:''you gotta stop with that attitude ''
i stayed quiet and he later asked
"whats wrong?''
Me:you know whats wrong!"
Him:''omg again with that seriously!''
We drove off & many things went through my head does he really love me? or what?
as he stopped at the light i said
''you dont even love me!''
I guess me saying this pissed him off his response was ''YES I DO FUCK!!!!!" and he looked at me with these huge angry eyes giving me monster vibes. But it kinda made me realize that " hey maybe he really does care about me and love me'' i asked ''why do you love me? and then he started saying why he loved me and then side tracked and started describring me
shortly we arrived at my apartments and parked infront , i looked at him and so did he ,'' c'mon babe i have to get going i have work tomorrow and its late im going to crash and its going to be your fault, im going to say yea its all karlas fault'',''its far i need to get going babe''
me :"are you going to text me ?'' for a minute she had forgotten everything else , it seemed like nothing had happend earlier that night i didnt sleep ,and i never received no text from him till couple days later
My freind and i were dying to go see the singer ''the weeknd'' so we decided to go buy the concert tickets ,we were pretty excited to see him. I mentioned that i was going to his concert with her good friend
Me:''im going to the weeknds concert on Sep 13:)''
Him: ''no ur not'' .
Me: '' yes i am i already have the tickets baby''
Him: ''wtf ''
Me: ''whats wrong now? you dont want me going huh''
Him:''no''
Him: ''i knew about the weeknd before anyone knew who he was''
me: ''who DONT you know is the question , i dont see anything wrong with me going to a concert of his''
Him: '' I knew the weeknd before he even had 100 likes ''
Me: ''omg i know that okay ,well im going to his concert ok?
Him: ''who you going with''
me: ''you know the only friend i have ,just the 2 of us''
Him: ''ima go too , and meet me in the back''
me: ''dont tell me that you really upset me the day of the pitbull concert because you flaked. You wont go''
Couple days later on an early morning He texted me saying good morning , and talked about our personal things and he suddenly asked something that was very disrespectful i couldn't believe my eyes the man i loved was asking her to have a 3 some with another woman! what?
At first i didn't even know what to think of this. I read the message a few times and got supper upset And EVEN cried in class i just couldn't keep it in. It felt like a slap in the face to me. How dare he ask this? He obviously didn't appreciate me at All
After crying i gave him a peace of my mind
Me: " I'm not going to let you disrespect me. i knew you where like these other fools I'm done i can't believe you would want to fuck someone else. "
Him: "youre dumb"
The following day was the day !! THE WEEKND concert i kinda didn't feel like going anymore since he'd be there and some how going to see him . And i really didn't want to even see his face after what he'd said.
While i got ready i received a message from him " hey"
i ignored it and rolled eyes.
Later on.. Right when The Weeknd came into the stage Singing
(were texting each other our song started playing
adaptation -the weeknd
he messaged me and i thought it was crazy how he texted me while The Weeknd sang our song.
i truly felt like it was meant to be it was so ironic
Him :"Are you here"
Him ''hello''
Him : ''babe''
I was dying to reply but i knew i shouldn't
Him :''where are u my lover''
him: ''meet me i love u''
Him ''who u with''
Him:''babe''
me : ''ya''
Him : ''am i going to see u or not''
Him :''WTFFF''
Him:''You doing the same shit again!!!!''
me:'' wtf you want''
Him :''ignoring me''
Him:''ok''
Him:''Meet me babe''
Him: ''Plz''
Me: ''this song goes with us''
Him: meet me now''
Him:'' I want to kiss you to this event''
Him: ''i Love You''...
The conversation went on but i decided to turn my phone off and enjoy the concert even though he was in my mind the whole time. I didnt want him to ruin my night.
After the concert my friend and i walked out to the front of the Berkeley theater, i called him and asked where he was at , he was very pissed off, calling me a nigga and a bitch.
''why weren't you texting me back where the fuck are you'' This was soo embarrassing for me since i was in public and arguing on the phone. I told him where i was at and yet he kept asking me the same question yelling ''where the fuck are you? at what part!!'' hung up and i waited a for him. I looked out to the crowd and he was no where to be found. At this point i was getting highly irritated so i called him again with only 2% of battery left
Once again he yelled at me asking where i was at ''Raise your hand in the air'' he said and hung up. Seconds later some one from behind grabbed me and covered my face. ''stop who are you'' i shouted although i already knew it was him. Before turning around i looked at my friend and she was such in shock., He finally let go and i turned around and saw who it him. I felt my body go cold i honestly couldn't believe he was there in front of me IN PUBLIC with MY best friend there something we all didn't expect
''who are you here with '' i asked
''my homies''
''ohh um this is my friend''
''nice to meet you'' he said
and shook her hand
he looked at jade and said
''5 minutes Cmon''
and went down stairs and shortly disappeared into the dark
''noo i cant leave my friend here ''
i said and looked at her
my friend, she got upset and just started yelling at me and told me all these things ,
''why are you going to go with him what the fuck hes an asshole dam!''
This little argument lasted about 59 seconds and i convinced her to give me a break and me deal with him since there was no time to waste!
I walked slowly down the stairs looking down at the ground not knowing what to expect to happen, i looked up and i saw him standing there looking at me he walked over and leaned on the wall, I began to speak my mind about the whole drama, and he didn't like it, we argued for a while but however he tried to act like nothing was wrong.He grabbed on me ''dam your the baddest one here'' trying to kiss my neck, i refused ''stop people are watching us''! but he didn't care. ''Tell me you love me !kiss me!'' he said i refused and then we ended up arguing again and again which made me walk away from him a couple of times ''COME HERE!!!!!!!!'' he would shout
i leaned over to him and rolled my eyes,
''for what ? what do you want?
he said ''stop baby i love you '' grabbed my ass picked me up and kissed me then tried to finger me i was still upset about the whole ''3 some'' situation but he didnt care. It was time to go so he held my hand while going up the stairs and that was it. Before he left he shook my friends hand one more time ''It was nice meeting you''
''You guys better get home now'' he said then looked at my friend and gave her a mugg
''And put some shoes on'' he said to my friend my friend took her heels off and i know this pissed her off she didn't like him and he had the nerve to say that?
After he walked away viv went off on me telling me i shouldnt be with him and how he's such a bitch and i just stayed quiet.
I was willing to put everything in the past and keep moving forward with ahmed i forgave him even though it did bother me a lot. I feel like i cant let go of the love i have for him. Its just way to strong. Things were still rocky not good at all to be honest. After the whole situation about the lies of his identity he seemed to get drunk on the weekends something he didn't really do before. I wasn't sure why he did was it because i had found out the truth ? Was he upset about it ? did he think i was going to turn him in , but i had no intentions to hurt him even though he'd hurt me ALL THE TIME.
He would text and call around 3 am 2 am drunk out of his mind either being sweet or being mean and bringing up the whole issue of me reporting him to the police betraying him. I was definitely mad about this and he had no reason to be upset about it i mean he was the one who LIED. But it was so so hard to adjust to this new him.. calling him "Ahmed" was just weird.. ugh fuck dude
Things were never solid thing always change. One week we were good and the other we were bad.
TODAY our relationship is still shitty.. i want to leave him but when i do, he says he loves me, tells me all these things, promises all these things but yet shows no real efforts. When we argue he brings up that I will report him to the cops like that day of confrontation of his real identity and that makes me more confused, whats all this about? did he REALLY love me ? why did he lie? and why does he bring it up ? does he not trust me? Is he still scared that i would call the cops ? but then again if you think about it if he didnt care he would have left me stranded that night at the park the day of confrontation.
I mean if i was in his situation i would leave as soon as possible that's if i really didn't care and was just selfish of course. He stayed after all the things that where said and if you think about it i could easily still call the cops on him and get him arrested if i wanted to but ill never do that to him I fucken love him. And he's still around risking his life, WHY why why? i always asks myswlf that question everyday. So does that mean that he really loves me? I STILL don't know what to do, should i continue this or not. I love him to death but he lied about his identity and that's pretty serious! And he keeps minimizing the fact that he lied.
I recently ignored him for 2 weeks which im sure freaked him out, he begged for his forgiveness and told me he would change but we all know he isnt. I know he just wants me to turn 18 already and I'm hoping things can finally change ''FOR THE BETTER'
I guess you just never know whats next. It's all been to hard on me. I wish we met in a different way but I feel a fool for not knowing better
