:6
The holidays were here! & i wasnt excited about them at all.
I felt like the holidays were never the same after a while. So i didnt have much planned with family.
Ahmed? Yea i managed 2 be "temporally done" with him but i soon fell back into his traps again.Not much of a surprise right?
I was over it and tried 2 leave him for good but he messed with my head again and again. During christmas day he texted me asking me if i would want 2 see him, i refused and ignored but ended up falling and what? Of course he flaked on me and well what was left? Just tears of anger i eventually got over it and ignored him for a couple days until NEW YEARS eve.
AGAIN he asked me if i wanted 2 spend new years with him and tbh i was happy about it but of course i knew what would happen. So instead i ended up spending it with my best friend which by the way was her birthday that day also!
Ahmed? Yea i managed 2 be "temporally done" with him but i soon fell back into his traps again.Not much of a surprise right?
I was over it and tried 2 leave him for good but he messed with my head again and again. During christmas day he texted me asking me if i would want 2 see him, i refused and ignored but ended up falling and what? Of course he flaked on me and well what was left? Just tears of anger i eventually got over it and ignored him for a couple days until NEW YEARS eve.
AGAIN he asked me if i wanted 2 spend new years with him and tbh i was happy about it but of course i knew what would happen. So instead i ended up spending it with my best friend which by the way was her birthday that day also!
We went to the city 2 celebrate and oh boy we wished we would've went some where else !
It was definitely not our thing and we werent 21 so we couldnt go into a bar or club
It was definitely not our thing and we werent 21 so we couldnt go into a bar or club
Next thing you know it was 12:00 am
✨ HAPPY NEW YEAR! !!✨2014
At that moment i felt so happy and was ready for the good luck, all I had so far was bad experiences bad days and horrible moments.
I was tired of it all and i was pretty convinced 2014 would be my year
So i was looking foward 2 it all.
I was so happy that i decided 2 text the my love a happy new year
And he replied
We spent all night texting talking about random things We stayed up until 5 in the morning i loved it i loved having those meaningless conversations with him "These are the best moments these nights are the most memorable nights" i thought, it was a good night and i slept with a huge smile on my face.
I hoped the year would start off good, well it seemed like it but of course
Days later i was disappointed once again nothing was ever going 2 change
So i was looking foward 2 it all.
I was so happy that i decided 2 text the my love a happy new year
And he replied
We spent all night texting talking about random things We stayed up until 5 in the morning i loved it i loved having those meaningless conversations with him "These are the best moments these nights are the most memorable nights" i thought, it was a good night and i slept with a huge smile on my face.
I hoped the year would start off good, well it seemed like it but of course
Days later i was disappointed once again nothing was ever going 2 change
My birthday was around the corner but that didn't even matter i didn't think things would change even after turning 18 this hurt me a lot.I feel like ive been waiting a lifetime to turn 18 and now that i was, it didn't just matter anymore nor was i excited.
His birthday was around the corner turning the big dirty 30!
I wished him a Happy birthday but that was about it i tried to ignore him for a couple days but eventually i would fall back.
I wished him a Happy birthday but that was about it i tried to ignore him for a couple days but eventually i would fall back.
The following week was my 18th Birthday FINALLY !
I really wanted 2 see ahmed on my birthday and he totally agreed to it
I really wanted 2 see ahmed on my birthday and he totally agreed to it
I was SO happy that he was going 2 spend the day with me, at least that's what i expected. But always lies and flakes but something told me he wouldn't this time.
Well there was only one way i would find out, I was being patient i mean ive been waiting for this day for 4 years ! Couple days before my bday we were texting
Me: ''Cant wait to see you on my birthday"
Him:''On .. Maybe after? or before?. Because your family is going to be with you"
Me:" Wow really? No they are not we are just going out to eat"
Him:"Shit I forgot my boy is flying in from Boston 7-10"
I didn't even bother to respond back i couldn't believe him i felt so let down.
I started to think about everything, i came to a final conclusion.
And that was that i never meant anything to ahmed, i was never important to him. Age was never the issue in my opinion. These whole 2 years i was thinking this was the problem, thinking that was the reason why he never wanted to see me,why he never wanted to be seen with me. I was completely discouraged about everything and was confused and honestly i didn't want to hear from him no more.
Me''Leave me alone"
Him:''No''
Me:''I obviously dont matter i gave you one last chance and you blew it. My birthday was the day I wanted 2 see if you actually changed a little but no
Go be with your boys''
Him:''Babe my boy is coming from Boston what can i do its been planned''
Well there was only one way i would find out, I was being patient i mean ive been waiting for this day for 4 years ! Couple days before my bday we were texting
Me: ''Cant wait to see you on my birthday"
Him:''On .. Maybe after? or before?. Because your family is going to be with you"
Me:" Wow really? No they are not we are just going out to eat"
Him:"Shit I forgot my boy is flying in from Boston 7-10"
I didn't even bother to respond back i couldn't believe him i felt so let down.
I started to think about everything, i came to a final conclusion.
And that was that i never meant anything to ahmed, i was never important to him. Age was never the issue in my opinion. These whole 2 years i was thinking this was the problem, thinking that was the reason why he never wanted to see me,why he never wanted to be seen with me. I was completely discouraged about everything and was confused and honestly i didn't want to hear from him no more.
Me''Leave me alone"
Him:''No''
Me:''I obviously dont matter i gave you one last chance and you blew it. My birthday was the day I wanted 2 see if you actually changed a little but no
Go be with your boys''
Him:''Babe my boy is coming from Boston what can i do its been planned''
SO what? i was waiting for this day for years and he didn't care..
A day before my birthday i started to feel really sad i wasnt even excited about it anymore. Once again he ruined my birthday. I wasn't feeling it I knew something was going to go wrong now i didn't even want this day to come anymore i felt like nothing would change
nothing would be different
nothing would ever be how i wished for
nothing would be how i would imagine it
nothing would be different
nothing would ever be how i wished for
nothing would be how i would imagine it
nothing would be okay i just knew.
The following morning i woke up sad it felt like any other day
It didn't feel like my birthday at all
My mom woke me up and making my favorite.... pancakes
This morning was bittersweet i wanted to be happy and enjoy my day and i was trying stay positive.
My dad and i ended up getting into a huge fight, i could not believe my dads audacity ! i was torn and couldn't believe my dad was yelling at me today he made me cry so i ran to my room.
"Who does that ? Makes they're own daughter cry on they're birthday i thought about ahmed but i knew i wouldn't hear from him but Suddenly i received a text message
Him:''Morning''
Me:''What do you want im already having a bad birthday please stay away''
Him:''Happy 18th birthday my love''
Him:''Babe you are the biggest drama queen ever lol''
Him: ''Do you need me to pick you up?''
I was vulnerable and i didn't think about the outcome of responding back,would he make my birthday worse or better?
Me:''Yea''
Him:''Yea what babe?''
Me: ''Are you serious?''
Him:''Yes. I need to touch bases with my boy and i can swoop you after'
I waited for this day for 3 years
Me: When will this be ? Like what time will this be?
Him:In the next couple of hours
Me: I don't want to believe it.
I don't want to be left stood up.
As much as i didn't want to get my hopes up i did and i started to think ''this is it ! I finally get to be happy with him without the excuses!!.
I started to ge ready, curling my hair, doing my make up and looking in the mirror thinking WOW im finally im 18 cant believe time flew this fast I was turning 15 just the other day
Him: Come to SF
Me :What?
( He didn't respond)
Hours later..
Me:Are you being serious about later today because if not then tell me so I can make other plans with other people.
(Still no response)
Me: Why the fuck do you always do this
Him:Babe I love you
Me: Alright you stood me up already
loose my number punk!
Whatever my birthday was a COMPLETE mess
i was heading out to dinner with my family then later that night go hang out with my best friend. But my friend stood me up too.
I hated it fuck my birthday i felt so let down
I expected it from ahmed but not from the rest.
I felt like it was just a bad dream or something ithought "This is my birthday the day I always wait for! because its the only day I can be genuinely happy with myself and the only day where I actually feel important to people.
i was disappointed
Hours later 10:55pm
Him: What you up to
Me: Fuck you
Him: Excuse your filthy Mouth
Me: Loose my number we are done!
Him: Babe how far are you from Cal train
Him: Can you meet me there
Him: ?
Him: Baby
Him: Meet me at cal-train. I will pay for your ticket. Come to SJ with me. Ill drive you home tonight
Him: Are you down?
Him: My Love
I know I sound like a broken record but Honestly i was done i felt so used i didn't want to ever hear or see ahmed ever again, I trusted him to much and that killed me. I felt so stupid taking him back after what he had done to me and after so many lies he told. I felt helpless, i wanted him out! and had no idea what was next.
Days later one of my friends from school knew how upset i was so he invited me out to the mall for some stupid reason i convinced him to take me to the mall thats next to ahmeds house ( Oakridge mall) after getting so much advice from my friend i decidded to end it for good so we thought about leaving a sitcky note in ahmeds car explaining how i felt. We waited until ahmed got home from work, and sticked the sticky note on his windshield and ran back to the car and left. I hoped he would get the message and leave me alone.
After leaving the scene lol we went to go get some In-n-Out and we sat and talked about everything. Meanwhile we ate i my phone and there it was........
Him: I'm picking you up on Friday at 1pm. No questions asked.
Him:?
Him: I'm picking you up I promise
Him: I fucking promise
Me: Fuck what you say
Me: Your words don't mean SHIT no more.
Him: I'm serious I'm not lying.
Him: Can you be ready at 1
Him: ?
Him: I promise
Him: I will take you to dinner
Him: Are you seeing someone else
Him: Tell me the fucking truth
Me: No
Him: Don't lie to me baby
He always tried to flip it on me and it confused me.. i just wanted to be left alone i was tired of the lies..and broken promises. I felt so used all the time. This didnt feel like a relationship to me he always wanted to do sexual things but never spend quality time with me and actually get to know me. All he did was control me and i was fed up
I keep saying this in every chapter but i didn't want to continue this relationship but why did it seem so impossible for me to move on? or even forget him?
i promise you i feel like im going insane
Soon Valentines day came around, and i kept receiving non stop text messages from ahmed about meeting up. Deep down inside i wanted to go with him and spend a lovely Valentines day with the man i love but the truth was something else. Things weren't the same and as much as i still wanted to act like nothing was wrong i couldn't anymore.
I controlled myself from falling for this valentines date trap i thought ''What would be different this time ?''
Me: ''I really hate you , 1st it was our Anniversary then Christmas , New years then the most important day to me my own birthday and now Valentine's day? what the fuck do I look like to you?' what some side bitch?
Im leaving you and you aren't going to change my mind this time."
But he sure did after texting he said some weird shit that made me keep replying back
Him: ''Do you know why im like this?''
Me:''Why?''
Him:''In 5th grade the 6th grade teacher subed for us.
He let a group of kids including me in the back room to play the Ouija board.Every since then Ive been followed by a demon. I haven't closed the portal
It has FUCKED up my life. He was the devils advocate''
Me:'' Stop with the non sense"
Him: ''I promise''
Me:'' Your scaring me now''
Him:'' He must of been doing it for years to all the kids just giving them and letting them play with it"
Me:''How''
Him:''Mr.Darnly he infected hundreds or thousands of souls. He was a teacher for 30 years. A devils advocate''
Me:''i don't know if I believe it''
HIm: ''Well im telling you its true''
Me: ''Why the fuck don't you do something then''
Me: ''How does this affect with us.. I don't understand make me understand
Him: ''like what''
Him: ''Because the demon is controlling me it follows me everywhere, it wakes me up at 3 am every night''
Me:''Are you being for real''
Me:'' It cant be that's non sense. Its just you your character your selfishness.''
Him: ''IM telling you babe!!!!!! This shit is fucking real. I told you about open portal. I fought a demon because it tried to go inside me !!''
Him:''The demon is making me like this''
Me:'' No no then what? the ''demon'' is the one who does this to me instead of you is that what your saying''
Him:''i don't know''
Me:'' Oh really so what explains your actions then''
Him:'' I guess the demons''
Me:''I'm not buying these demon thing honestly, and if it was true why didn't you tell me this 3 years ago''
Him:'' I don't tell anyone''
Me:'' Why not''
Him: ''Because its nothing to talk about''
Me:'' You scare me now ''
Him:'' I'm sorry''
Him:'' I don't want to scare you''
Me:'' I wouldn't feel safe around you''
Him:'' All of a sudden you don't feel safe''
Me:'' Well youre talking about demons what the fuck , why don't you get help''
Him:'' I'm scared''
Me:'' Do it''
Him: The demon is making me scared and doesn't make me go
Him: I want to but I cant''
Me: ''You have to I'll support you''
Him:'' I know!!!''
Him: ''I try''
Him: ''But it wont let me''
Him: ''Then your here bitching at me and you don't understand me''
Me:'' You never tell me shit''
Him: '' Do you still love me''
Me: ''Get help please or ill leave you for good''
Him: ''Leave me then''
Him: '' You want to threaten me. Then go''
Me:'' Whatever if you don't care about yourself then why should i ?''
Him:'' Dude your so wack. You're going to leave me, Wow really because I told you i have demon.''
I could not believe he was telling me this i didn't know if to laugh, be mad or scared. But something in me made me feel bad for him. I didn't believe that ''demon story'' he was telling me but i did know something was wrong with him. Like theres some type of trauma involved or something i dont know what it is.
So what was next? yea we got back together, but i was not comfortable anymore, things just weren't the same. A lot of lies where told i was so damn disappointed with him. And i feel so trapped why cant i fucken let go!
Me:'' Hey what are you doing?''
Him:'' Hey''
Me: '' I've been thinking and i think we really shouldn't together anymore. I mean we really don't talk about anything and we barely talk anymore , definitely don't see each other. I just think there's no reason why we should be with each other if we cant be loving couple, You don't even act like a boyfriend.
Me: '' And im scared i don't know anymore''
Him:'' Why are you scared?''
Me:'' Lets just not be together anymore''
Him:'' Babe can you stop making drama''
As soon as i voiced my opinion he convinced me other wise and again i took him back. I deep down still have that dream. That dream of becoming his wife one day even though things werent the same anymore. I felt the need to hold on no matter what and help him. After all the lies and the tears i still have hope. I didnt know what to do i wanted him to take me serious. I felt so used and lied to but i wanted him to see that i am WORTH it that i love him and that its okay. I felt like loosing my virginity to him was the only way and things will get better. I felt like by doing this he would open up. Everything i did was for him i feel like i have no damn dignity and self respect
2/21/14
Him: '' I love you''
Me: ''I love you''
Him:'' You better, who do you belong to ?''
me:'' You''
Him:'' Can you spend a night?''
Me:'' Where at your house?''
Him:'' Duhh where else''
Me: ''But your dad''
Him: ''Don't worry''
Me:'' Are we going to hang out tonight so i can get something cute for tonight
Him: '' Are you spending the night ?''
Me:'' Youre being serious about me spending a night?''
Him:'' Where are you''?
Me:'' Victoria's secret''
Me'' Tell me !''
Him:'' Just get it''
Me:'' Okay''
2/21/14 6:54 pm
Him: ''You're going to spend? Im at work i don't get out until 9:30''
Me:'' Bye''
Him: ''That's what time im off''
Me:'' So what do you want to do then?''
Him:'' I guess get you after. Like at 10:30 or 11.
Me:'' Oh my god''
Me: ''Are you being serious so i can tell my mom right now''
Him:'' What are you going to say ?''
Me:'' Yes or no hurry up''
Him:'' I need to know what your going to say''
Me:'' Oh my god that im going to stay at my friends house''
Him:'' She's going to track you in gps''
Me:'' ''No she isn't''
Him: ''Yes she is''
Me:'' Look if you don't want to its whatever then i don't care I'm over it goodnight''
Him: ''I have a Virgin throwing herself at me and im scared?''
Me:'' Ok''
Me:'' And 1st of all im not throwing myself at you ok have a nice night''
Him: '' Relax''
Him:'' I'm trying to talk this out''
Me:'' I don't want to anymore its all about sex to you''
Him: ''Babe no i want to be with you please''
Me: ''I'm tired of everything you do and how you do it ok i just want to be left alone right now''
Him:'' Don't be like that my love''
Him: ''I'm coming ok''
Me:'' I don't want to spend a night anymore go home after work.''
Him: '' You found someone else''
Me:'' Here we go''
Me :'' All what i do is for love and you don't see it that way. You see me as an object who you only want to have sex with''
Me:'' Forget it im staying home''
Him: ''No baby i will take you out before anything''
Me : ''Na take me where? Everything will be closed''
Me: ''Can you just stop''
Him: ''I told you im going okay''
Me: ''No''
Him: '' I look like shit. I will pick you up after work. Go back to my pad , Take a shower And we will go out and eat , Come back and get some champagne lay rose's and candles and cuddle.
Him: ''You better not flake on me for some party with your loser friends''
Me:' 'You wouldn't ''
Him: '' I AM I PROMISE OK!''
Me: ''What do i tell my mom?''
Him:'' Oh my god see i told you''
Him: ''I thought you had it planned, Your just saying you cant so you can go party''
Me:'' Watch me''
Him: ''You want to go party ''
Me:'' what the fuck are you talking about man forget it''
Him:'' I knew it see''
Me: '' See what! what the fuck are you talking about''
Him: ''Go to your friends house to spend a night and i can pick you up from there?''
Me: ''Why do all that ?''
him:'' So you can make it believable. Shit i don't know im trying to help with ideas.''
Me: ''Mmmm My mom is annoying''
Him:'' Why?''
Me:'' That i was going to sleep over my friends house''
Him: ''And what she say?''
Me: ''No then i said why are you like this you never let me sleep over no ones house not even my own cousin and she didn't say a word after''
Him: ''Oh my god''
Him: ''I love you babe okay''
Me:'' Okay what's that suppose to mean?''
Him:'' I cant say i love you''
Him:''Dam excuse me''
Me:"Ok so you not coming then ? is that what that means? because i know how you are''
Him:''I said i would didn't i''
Me:'' Okay so you're still up for it?''
Him:''Your mom isn't letting you go so you have 30 min to convince her before im off''
Me:''I don't need to convince she stayed quiet witch means she cant stop me''
Him:''Ughhhh, i don't want her to call the fucking cops because you left.Your 18 so its not a problem but will she do that?''
Me:''No she wouldn't, the most she'd do is call me talk shit and ask 21 questions asking if im okay''
Him:''Okay well its on you. At 9 tell me if you want me to come. Should i go home and get ready first or just pick you up ?''
Me:''Umm come first if you want''
Me:''What should i wear?''
Him:'' Keep it simple , no dress or anything ,jeans''
I stared at myself in the mirror thinking ''Omg this is it ''
I was nervous and at the same time excited.
Excited to see him. I felt like seeing him always brought happiness to me, never felt anything like it. It made everything better i felt so loved.
And to be honest at that moment i wasn't thinking of the consequences this night could bring me. I was so anxious of what could happen, but i always thought things would start falling into place at last and we will finally be happy with zero secrets this time.
As i walked out the door i told my mom i was leaving, she was mad but i honestly didn't care. I waited forviv to pick me up this was the plan, viv always had my back when it came to shit like this. We had to make it seem legit "Is this what you really want ? i mean you know what is going to happen tonight!''
I thought about it but i knew it was late to back out. I really didn't know what was the right thing to do at tha point. The only thing i knew was that i loved him and i swear i would do anything to be happy with him..
We drove to Carl's Jr we waited for ahmed to pick me up.
I felt like vomiting i was so nervous like never before and i had so many racing thoughts and before you knew it ahmed was calling me
''I'm here '' me and viv just looked at eachother and looked back and there he was parked behind us. Waiting for me to get off.
I nervously got off and walked over to his car and got in.
I opened the door looked at him, He was smiling ...
As we drove off he reached to the back seat and gave me these red roses.
This reminded me of the 1st time we met back in 2011 when he first gave me flowers
Aww thank you your so sweet''
We held hands the whole time I was so damn happy that nigh.
Ahmed was taking me out to eat in public for the first time ever i couldn't believe that finally after so long i was out with him. just like how she would always wished for. It became unreal for a moment. I just hated the fact that he dragged me this long because of the age gap.
We sat and looked at the menu i was nervous and had no idea of what to order and i didnt want to look like a pig so i ordered a damn salad. While we waited we talked about me starting college i asked him for advice since i wasn't sure of what i wanted to do. And honestly he made me feel stupid because of it. Dont even wana bring it up right now...
While we ate we talked about that night
Ahmed ''You have no idea whats in store for you''
(Im guessing he was referring about sex)
Me:''I really don't'' and honestly it made afraid
He grabbed my hand and held it and looked deep into my eyes.
He didn't have to say anything i felt everything when both our eyes met.
It was a feeling i cant explain! dammit i guess this is how love feels like right? When i stared into his eyes it made me feel safe I felt like it was meant to be. All the pain he had put me through was written. All the lies, all the tears where meant to happen so we could over come it and finally be happy?
Him:''who are you texting ?''
Me:''My moms texting me telling me to call my dad to ask for permission that he is pissed off''
Him:''Oh my god are you kidding me call him! hes probably talking shit saying ''pinche madre where's Karla !''
Me:'hahaha yes that's exactly what he will say.. i will right now''
Him:''See i already know ! Well? call him you just said right now!''
Me:'' I meant when im done eating sheesh !''
Him:''Well don't say your calling right know say when im done eating''
I didn't say a word i looked down at the plate he was being a jerk again and he noticed it bothered me
Him: whats wrong''
Me:''nothing is''
Him:''Are you sure?''
Me:''Yes im sure''
And held my hand again.
Me:''Im going to go call my dad in the bathroom okay?''
Him:''Alright hurry up''
I walked over to the ladies room and right away called my best friend.
i told her how nervous i was and how i couldn't believe this was happening but i hung up quickly before ahmed would get mad. I then called my dad and told him that i was going to spend the night at my best friends house. And obviously he didn't like the idea but there was nothing that could be done. I didnt care ! I loved ahmed and nothing could seperate me from him at this point not age not my parents nothing could at this point!!
I washed my hands and retouched the lipstick thinking to myself
Dam tonight is the night
I took a deep breath having some second thoughts about it all.I stared at myself on the mirror one last time smiled and left
As i sat down ahmed questoined me
Him: "What happened??''
Me:''Well he is mad but what can he do im already here''
Meanwhile the waiter brought the bill over and Ahmed asked if i wanted any desert i said no..
Shortly after that we left while we walked back to the car i felt confused. He wasnt holding my hand and was walking away from me. My mind started racing again is she ashamed of me? does he not want to be seen with me? but right when we got to the car he pushed me against it and started to kiss meand grabmy butt.
At last we where home. He opened the door for me and went inside through the garage. I was scared as fuck it was pitch dark and i was scared that his dad would catch us. But we Finally made it to his room
I looked around and realized It was a mess how annoying seriously !i put my things on the floor and he turned the tv on.
Take your shoes off!''
Me: ''i am! geeze''
i sat on the bed he came over and kissed me
Him:'' I'm going to shower ''
Me:'' Shave too ''
Him:''No that takes for ever''
I had never seen ahmed with a beard and it was weird lol
Me:'' Ugh fine hurry up ''
I waited patiently not going to lie, i looked around his room thinking
what the fuck am i doing ? i couldn't believe i was going to do it and couldn't believe i was going to sleep over at my boyfriends house! fuck
I texted viv letting her know what was going on
And before you knew it ahmed was back.
It didn't feel like my birthday at all
My mom woke me up and making my favorite.... pancakes
This morning was bittersweet i wanted to be happy and enjoy my day and i was trying stay positive.
My dad and i ended up getting into a huge fight, i could not believe my dads audacity ! i was torn and couldn't believe my dad was yelling at me today he made me cry so i ran to my room.
"Who does that ? Makes they're own daughter cry on they're birthday i thought about ahmed but i knew i wouldn't hear from him but Suddenly i received a text message
Him:''Morning''
Me:''What do you want im already having a bad birthday please stay away''
Him:''Happy 18th birthday my love''
Him:''Babe you are the biggest drama queen ever lol''
Him: ''Do you need me to pick you up?''
I was vulnerable and i didn't think about the outcome of responding back,would he make my birthday worse or better?
Me:''Yea''
Him:''Yea what babe?''
Me: ''Are you serious?''
Him:''Yes. I need to touch bases with my boy and i can swoop you after'
I waited for this day for 3 years
Me: When will this be ? Like what time will this be?
Him:In the next couple of hours
Me: I don't want to believe it.
I don't want to be left stood up.
As much as i didn't want to get my hopes up i did and i started to think ''this is it ! I finally get to be happy with him without the excuses!!.
I started to ge ready, curling my hair, doing my make up and looking in the mirror thinking WOW im finally im 18 cant believe time flew this fast I was turning 15 just the other day
Him: Come to SF
Me :What?
( He didn't respond)
Hours later..
Me:Are you being serious about later today because if not then tell me so I can make other plans with other people.
(Still no response)
Me: Why the fuck do you always do this
Him:Babe I love you
Me: Alright you stood me up already
loose my number punk!
Whatever my birthday was a COMPLETE mess
i was heading out to dinner with my family then later that night go hang out with my best friend. But my friend stood me up too.
I hated it fuck my birthday i felt so let down
I expected it from ahmed but not from the rest.
I felt like it was just a bad dream or something ithought "This is my birthday the day I always wait for! because its the only day I can be genuinely happy with myself and the only day where I actually feel important to people.
i was disappointed
Hours later 10:55pm
Him: What you up to
Me: Fuck you
Him: Excuse your filthy Mouth
Me: Loose my number we are done!
Him: Babe how far are you from Cal train
Him: Can you meet me there
Him: ?
Him: Baby
Him: Meet me at cal-train. I will pay for your ticket. Come to SJ with me. Ill drive you home tonight
Him: Are you down?
Him: My Love
I know I sound like a broken record but Honestly i was done i felt so used i didn't want to ever hear or see ahmed ever again, I trusted him to much and that killed me. I felt so stupid taking him back after what he had done to me and after so many lies he told. I felt helpless, i wanted him out! and had no idea what was next.
Days later one of my friends from school knew how upset i was so he invited me out to the mall for some stupid reason i convinced him to take me to the mall thats next to ahmeds house ( Oakridge mall) after getting so much advice from my friend i decidded to end it for good so we thought about leaving a sitcky note in ahmeds car explaining how i felt. We waited until ahmed got home from work, and sticked the sticky note on his windshield and ran back to the car and left. I hoped he would get the message and leave me alone.
After leaving the scene lol we went to go get some In-n-Out and we sat and talked about everything. Meanwhile we ate i my phone and there it was........
Him: I'm picking you up on Friday at 1pm. No questions asked.
Him:?
Him: I'm picking you up I promise
Him: I fucking promise
Me: Fuck what you say
Me: Your words don't mean SHIT no more.
Him: I'm serious I'm not lying.
Him: Can you be ready at 1
Him: ?
Him: I promise
Him: I will take you to dinner
Him: Are you seeing someone else
Him: Tell me the fucking truth
Me: No
Him: Don't lie to me baby
He always tried to flip it on me and it confused me.. i just wanted to be left alone i was tired of the lies..and broken promises. I felt so used all the time. This didnt feel like a relationship to me he always wanted to do sexual things but never spend quality time with me and actually get to know me. All he did was control me and i was fed up
I keep saying this in every chapter but i didn't want to continue this relationship but why did it seem so impossible for me to move on? or even forget him?
i promise you i feel like im going insane
Soon Valentines day came around, and i kept receiving non stop text messages from ahmed about meeting up. Deep down inside i wanted to go with him and spend a lovely Valentines day with the man i love but the truth was something else. Things weren't the same and as much as i still wanted to act like nothing was wrong i couldn't anymore.
I controlled myself from falling for this valentines date trap i thought ''What would be different this time ?''
Me: ''I really hate you , 1st it was our Anniversary then Christmas , New years then the most important day to me my own birthday and now Valentine's day? what the fuck do I look like to you?' what some side bitch?
Im leaving you and you aren't going to change my mind this time."
But he sure did after texting he said some weird shit that made me keep replying back
Him: ''Do you know why im like this?''
Me:''Why?''
Him:''In 5th grade the 6th grade teacher subed for us.
He let a group of kids including me in the back room to play the Ouija board.Every since then Ive been followed by a demon. I haven't closed the portal
It has FUCKED up my life. He was the devils advocate''
Me:'' Stop with the non sense"
Him: ''I promise''
Me:'' Your scaring me now''
Him:'' He must of been doing it for years to all the kids just giving them and letting them play with it"
Me:''How''
Him:''Mr.Darnly he infected hundreds or thousands of souls. He was a teacher for 30 years. A devils advocate''
Me:''i don't know if I believe it''
HIm: ''Well im telling you its true''
Me: ''Why the fuck don't you do something then''
Me: ''How does this affect with us.. I don't understand make me understand
Him: ''like what''
Him: ''Because the demon is controlling me it follows me everywhere, it wakes me up at 3 am every night''
Me:''Are you being for real''
Me:'' It cant be that's non sense. Its just you your character your selfishness.''
Him: ''IM telling you babe!!!!!! This shit is fucking real. I told you about open portal. I fought a demon because it tried to go inside me !!''
Him:''The demon is making me like this''
Me:'' No no then what? the ''demon'' is the one who does this to me instead of you is that what your saying''
Him:''i don't know''
Me:'' Oh really so what explains your actions then''
Him:'' I guess the demons''
Me:''I'm not buying these demon thing honestly, and if it was true why didn't you tell me this 3 years ago''
Him:'' I don't tell anyone''
Me:'' Why not''
Him: ''Because its nothing to talk about''
Me:'' You scare me now ''
Him:'' I'm sorry''
Him:'' I don't want to scare you''
Me:'' I wouldn't feel safe around you''
Him:'' All of a sudden you don't feel safe''
Me:'' Well youre talking about demons what the fuck , why don't you get help''
Him:'' I'm scared''
Me:'' Do it''
Him: The demon is making me scared and doesn't make me go
Him: I want to but I cant''
Me: ''You have to I'll support you''
Him:'' I know!!!''
Him: ''I try''
Him: ''But it wont let me''
Him: ''Then your here bitching at me and you don't understand me''
Me:'' You never tell me shit''
Him: '' Do you still love me''
Me: ''Get help please or ill leave you for good''
Him: ''Leave me then''
Him: '' You want to threaten me. Then go''
Me:'' Whatever if you don't care about yourself then why should i ?''
Him:'' Dude your so wack. You're going to leave me, Wow really because I told you i have demon.''
I could not believe he was telling me this i didn't know if to laugh, be mad or scared. But something in me made me feel bad for him. I didn't believe that ''demon story'' he was telling me but i did know something was wrong with him. Like theres some type of trauma involved or something i dont know what it is.
So what was next? yea we got back together, but i was not comfortable anymore, things just weren't the same. A lot of lies where told i was so damn disappointed with him. And i feel so trapped why cant i fucken let go!
Me:'' Hey what are you doing?''
Him:'' Hey''
Me: '' I've been thinking and i think we really shouldn't together anymore. I mean we really don't talk about anything and we barely talk anymore , definitely don't see each other. I just think there's no reason why we should be with each other if we cant be loving couple, You don't even act like a boyfriend.
Me: '' And im scared i don't know anymore''
Him:'' Why are you scared?''
Me:'' Lets just not be together anymore''
Him:'' Babe can you stop making drama''
As soon as i voiced my opinion he convinced me other wise and again i took him back. I deep down still have that dream. That dream of becoming his wife one day even though things werent the same anymore. I felt the need to hold on no matter what and help him. After all the lies and the tears i still have hope. I didnt know what to do i wanted him to take me serious. I felt so used and lied to but i wanted him to see that i am WORTH it that i love him and that its okay. I felt like loosing my virginity to him was the only way and things will get better. I felt like by doing this he would open up. Everything i did was for him i feel like i have no damn dignity and self respect
2/21/14
Him: '' I love you''
Me: ''I love you''
Him:'' You better, who do you belong to ?''
me:'' You''
Him:'' Can you spend a night?''
Me:'' Where at your house?''
Him:'' Duhh where else''
Me: ''But your dad''
Him: ''Don't worry''
Me:'' Are we going to hang out tonight so i can get something cute for tonight
Him: '' Are you spending the night ?''
Me:'' Youre being serious about me spending a night?''
Him:'' Where are you''?
Me:'' Victoria's secret''
Me'' Tell me !''
Him:'' Just get it''
Me:'' Okay''
2/21/14 6:54 pm
Him: ''You're going to spend? Im at work i don't get out until 9:30''
Me:'' Bye''
Him: ''That's what time im off''
Me:'' So what do you want to do then?''
Him:'' I guess get you after. Like at 10:30 or 11.
Me:'' Oh my god''
Me: ''Are you being serious so i can tell my mom right now''
Him:'' What are you going to say ?''
Me:'' Yes or no hurry up''
Him:'' I need to know what your going to say''
Me:'' Oh my god that im going to stay at my friends house''
Him:'' She's going to track you in gps''
Me:'' ''No she isn't''
Him: ''Yes she is''
Me:'' Look if you don't want to its whatever then i don't care I'm over it goodnight''
Him: ''I have a Virgin throwing herself at me and im scared?''
Me:'' Ok''
Me:'' And 1st of all im not throwing myself at you ok have a nice night''
Him: '' Relax''
Him:'' I'm trying to talk this out''
Me:'' I don't want to anymore its all about sex to you''
Him: ''Babe no i want to be with you please''
Me: ''I'm tired of everything you do and how you do it ok i just want to be left alone right now''
Him:'' Don't be like that my love''
Him: ''I'm coming ok''
Me:'' I don't want to spend a night anymore go home after work.''
Him: '' You found someone else''
Me:'' Here we go''
Me :'' All what i do is for love and you don't see it that way. You see me as an object who you only want to have sex with''
Me:'' Forget it im staying home''
Him: ''No baby i will take you out before anything''
Me : ''Na take me where? Everything will be closed''
Me: ''Can you just stop''
Him: ''I told you im going okay''
Me: ''No''
Him: '' I look like shit. I will pick you up after work. Go back to my pad , Take a shower And we will go out and eat , Come back and get some champagne lay rose's and candles and cuddle.
Him: ''You better not flake on me for some party with your loser friends''
Me:' 'You wouldn't ''
Him: '' I AM I PROMISE OK!''
Me: ''What do i tell my mom?''
Him:'' Oh my god see i told you''
Him: ''I thought you had it planned, Your just saying you cant so you can go party''
Me:'' Watch me''
Him: ''You want to go party ''
Me:'' what the fuck are you talking about man forget it''
Him:'' I knew it see''
Me: '' See what! what the fuck are you talking about''
Him: ''Go to your friends house to spend a night and i can pick you up from there?''
Me: ''Why do all that ?''
him:'' So you can make it believable. Shit i don't know im trying to help with ideas.''
Me: ''Mmmm My mom is annoying''
Him:'' Why?''
Me:'' That i was going to sleep over my friends house''
Him: ''And what she say?''
Me: ''No then i said why are you like this you never let me sleep over no ones house not even my own cousin and she didn't say a word after''
Him: ''Oh my god''
Him: ''I love you babe okay''
Me:'' Okay what's that suppose to mean?''
Him:'' I cant say i love you''
Him:''Dam excuse me''
Me:"Ok so you not coming then ? is that what that means? because i know how you are''
Him:''I said i would didn't i''
Me:'' Okay so you're still up for it?''
Him:''Your mom isn't letting you go so you have 30 min to convince her before im off''
Me:''I don't need to convince she stayed quiet witch means she cant stop me''
Him:''Ughhhh, i don't want her to call the fucking cops because you left.Your 18 so its not a problem but will she do that?''
Me:''No she wouldn't, the most she'd do is call me talk shit and ask 21 questions asking if im okay''
Him:''Okay well its on you. At 9 tell me if you want me to come. Should i go home and get ready first or just pick you up ?''
Me:''Umm come first if you want''
Me:''What should i wear?''
Him:'' Keep it simple , no dress or anything ,jeans''
I stared at myself in the mirror thinking ''Omg this is it ''
I was nervous and at the same time excited.
Excited to see him. I felt like seeing him always brought happiness to me, never felt anything like it. It made everything better i felt so loved.
And to be honest at that moment i wasn't thinking of the consequences this night could bring me. I was so anxious of what could happen, but i always thought things would start falling into place at last and we will finally be happy with zero secrets this time.
As i walked out the door i told my mom i was leaving, she was mad but i honestly didn't care. I waited forviv to pick me up this was the plan, viv always had my back when it came to shit like this. We had to make it seem legit "Is this what you really want ? i mean you know what is going to happen tonight!''
I thought about it but i knew it was late to back out. I really didn't know what was the right thing to do at tha point. The only thing i knew was that i loved him and i swear i would do anything to be happy with him..
We drove to Carl's Jr we waited for ahmed to pick me up.
I felt like vomiting i was so nervous like never before and i had so many racing thoughts and before you knew it ahmed was calling me
''I'm here '' me and viv just looked at eachother and looked back and there he was parked behind us. Waiting for me to get off.
I nervously got off and walked over to his car and got in.
I opened the door looked at him, He was smiling ...
As we drove off he reached to the back seat and gave me these red roses.
This reminded me of the 1st time we met back in 2011 when he first gave me flowers
Aww thank you your so sweet''
We held hands the whole time I was so damn happy that nigh.
Ahmed was taking me out to eat in public for the first time ever i couldn't believe that finally after so long i was out with him. just like how she would always wished for. It became unreal for a moment. I just hated the fact that he dragged me this long because of the age gap.
We sat and looked at the menu i was nervous and had no idea of what to order and i didnt want to look like a pig so i ordered a damn salad. While we waited we talked about me starting college i asked him for advice since i wasn't sure of what i wanted to do. And honestly he made me feel stupid because of it. Dont even wana bring it up right now...
While we ate we talked about that night
Ahmed ''You have no idea whats in store for you''
(Im guessing he was referring about sex)
Me:''I really don't'' and honestly it made afraid
He grabbed my hand and held it and looked deep into my eyes.
He didn't have to say anything i felt everything when both our eyes met.
It was a feeling i cant explain! dammit i guess this is how love feels like right? When i stared into his eyes it made me feel safe I felt like it was meant to be. All the pain he had put me through was written. All the lies, all the tears where meant to happen so we could over come it and finally be happy?
Him:''who are you texting ?''
Me:''My moms texting me telling me to call my dad to ask for permission that he is pissed off''
Him:''Oh my god are you kidding me call him! hes probably talking shit saying ''pinche madre where's Karla !''
Me:'hahaha yes that's exactly what he will say.. i will right now''
Him:''See i already know ! Well? call him you just said right now!''
Me:'' I meant when im done eating sheesh !''
Him:''Well don't say your calling right know say when im done eating''
I didn't say a word i looked down at the plate he was being a jerk again and he noticed it bothered me
Him: whats wrong''
Me:''nothing is''
Him:''Are you sure?''
Me:''Yes im sure''
And held my hand again.
Me:''Im going to go call my dad in the bathroom okay?''
Him:''Alright hurry up''
I walked over to the ladies room and right away called my best friend.
i told her how nervous i was and how i couldn't believe this was happening but i hung up quickly before ahmed would get mad. I then called my dad and told him that i was going to spend the night at my best friends house. And obviously he didn't like the idea but there was nothing that could be done. I didnt care ! I loved ahmed and nothing could seperate me from him at this point not age not my parents nothing could at this point!!
I washed my hands and retouched the lipstick thinking to myself
Dam tonight is the night
I took a deep breath having some second thoughts about it all.I stared at myself on the mirror one last time smiled and left
As i sat down ahmed questoined me
Him: "What happened??''
Me:''Well he is mad but what can he do im already here''
Meanwhile the waiter brought the bill over and Ahmed asked if i wanted any desert i said no..
Shortly after that we left while we walked back to the car i felt confused. He wasnt holding my hand and was walking away from me. My mind started racing again is she ashamed of me? does he not want to be seen with me? but right when we got to the car he pushed me against it and started to kiss meand grabmy butt.
At last we where home. He opened the door for me and went inside through the garage. I was scared as fuck it was pitch dark and i was scared that his dad would catch us. But we Finally made it to his room
I looked around and realized It was a mess how annoying seriously !i put my things on the floor and he turned the tv on.
Take your shoes off!''
Me: ''i am! geeze''
i sat on the bed he came over and kissed me
Him:'' I'm going to shower ''
Me:'' Shave too ''
Him:''No that takes for ever''
I had never seen ahmed with a beard and it was weird lol
Me:'' Ugh fine hurry up ''
I waited patiently not going to lie, i looked around his room thinking
what the fuck am i doing ? i couldn't believe i was going to do it and couldn't believe i was going to sleep over at my boyfriends house! fuck
I texted viv letting her know what was going on
And before you knew it ahmed was back.
I laid on the bed putting lotion on and he stared at me while the light of the tv shined his eyes.
I stood up and sat on the chair.
Him: ''Turn around don't look until i tell you to ''
i knew what was coming
10 minutes later
He walks over to me grabs me and walks me to the corner
of the room.
I remember He looked at me and told me
I remember He looked at me and told me
''I love you''
i replied :''I love you''
i replied :''I love you''
I felt many emotions at this point i felt so happy but yet so DAM scared!
but all i knew was that i was with the man i loved and nothing else mattered. I looked over and there it was.... Rose petals in the of a heart and candles lit everywhere. Just like how i always imagined it to be. It was perfect. He pressed click and suddenly The weeknd started playin g our favorite artist..
''Oh my gosh babe i love it ''
Him:'' Yeah? i never done this before for anyone"
Me: "I love you"
He then brought out Champagne bottle
he poured some into our glass. This was my first time drinking with ahmed i was nervous
I drinked away slowly. Ahmed sat on the chair and drinked i sat on his lap and kissed him.
It felt like things were getting hot..i felt the love and thepasssion between us in that moment. It felt like our souls were exchanging love and energy.
Ahmed and clearly had done sexual things before but this time things were going to be done right and the way i wanted it to be. It was offcial that night
Ahmed and clearly had done sexual things before but this time things were going to be done right and the way i wanted it to be. It was offcial that night
He slowly kissed my neck and gently removed my sweater off
He then started to kiss down to my chest area. Next he removed my leggings off
I was nervours to show him what i had bought, but at the same time i didnt care i think it was the champagne making me feel some type of way..
Me:''Do you like it ? ''
Him:''i love it and how you're matching the lil panties''
but that lingerie didn't last long on...
I sat on him and kissed him while his hands ran all over me.
He stood up and chugged the champagne bottle.
He sat me on the chair and kissed my and licked me
I pushed him away and made him sit on the chair. He looked at me while he chugged the champagne bottle . I played with his chains and gave me one to wear i put it on and smiled.
I drinked some more champagne. And we continued to kiss and felt eachother.
It was time... Ahmed went over to the bed and removed the candles.
He stared at me picked me up and carried me over to the bed. And laid me on top of red rose petals. And there i was all dressed in pure white lace lingerie. Ahmed always said how young and pure i was and i thought maybe i should wear something in pure white that night. I honestly didnt know if this will make the relationship better or worse but i was risking it all. Willing to give it all away for a change. I felt beyond loved i remember thinking
''I know ill marry him one day! hes the love of my life''
Even though ahmed tried to have sex before this time was OFFICIAL atleast for me it was that time didnt count for me loosing my virginity the right way that night felt like i was becoming one with him. I always believed in sex till marriage so loosing it to him felt like we were officially both united in some way so i let go...Hoping my dreams would eventually finally come true.
Me:''i love you"
Him:'' I love you too baby"
I drinked some more champagne. And we continued to kiss and felt eachother.
It was time... Ahmed went over to the bed and removed the candles.
He stared at me picked me up and carried me over to the bed. And laid me on top of red rose petals. And there i was all dressed in pure white lace lingerie. Ahmed always said how young and pure i was and i thought maybe i should wear something in pure white that night. I honestly didnt know if this will make the relationship better or worse but i was risking it all. Willing to give it all away for a change. I felt beyond loved i remember thinking
''I know ill marry him one day! hes the love of my life''
Even though ahmed tried to have sex before this time was OFFICIAL atleast for me it was that time didnt count for me loosing my virginity the right way that night felt like i was becoming one with him. I always believed in sex till marriage so loosing it to him felt like we were officially both united in some way so i let go...Hoping my dreams would eventually finally come true.
Me:''i love you"
Him:'' I love you too baby"
I couldnt take it and pushed him away. At this point we were both fully nude. I was nervous and scared Ahmed tried multiple times but couldn't ''Maybe we shouldn't do it tonight''
I suffered in pain to the point where i started crying like a baby. The pain was unbearable
The first few seconds i felt complete numb it was insane. Its like my body went on combat mode i tried to block the pain out. But The pain was so similar and it reminded me of the time ahmed and i where in the back seat of his car the time i found out about his real identity which was one of the worst days of my entire life. It was the same pain. I started to have flash backs on all the memories i had with ahmed. It was all coming back to me all the pain he had caused me before.
But the real physical pain interupted these thoughts and brought me back to reality and the pain continued
I moaned and cried at same time because of the paini was so loud that he put his hand over my mouth. I just remember the tears falling down my face.
He held my hand while he made '' love'' to me. I guess it was like our souls were inside each other but it didnt feel right and i felt disgusted in some moments. I held his hand as tight as i could and cried. I told him to get off me and stop but he wouldnt until minutes later.
I was shaking uncontrollably I could hardly walk or move i looked in the mirror and removed my makeup off
Him:''Come lay with me babe"
As the weeknd still played i changed into something comfy and walked over to his bed.
i laid my head on his chest. He kissed my forehead and warped his arms around me and closed his eyes.
I in the other hand couldn't sleep. My body was exhausted but my mind wasnt. I kept thinking and thinking analyzing everything that had just happened ''Am i dreaming?'' i thought.
My mind wondered all night and before you knew it.. it was 4 AM and was still awake. The weeknd was still playing so i got up and turned off the TV.
I quietly sneaked over to the door, to go to the bathroom.
And right when i was going to open the door.
Ahmed:''Ey where are you going?''
Me:''To the bathroom''
Ahmed:''Come here and cuddle''
Me:'' Babe i really need to go''
Ahmed:''Ok hurry up''
He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my cheek. I felt so protected i never wanted to leave his side. And i started to over think everything hoping things really changed this time
Suddenly it was 6 am and i heard my phone ring...
Best friend:''Oh my god i think your brother saw me leaving work by your house!''
I immediately called her not caring ifi woke him up
He eventually woke up and distracted me while he kissed my neck
* hangs up*
Me:'' Babe im freaking out my brother might of seen my best friend this morning''
Him: "Are you sure"
Me:''Well no but still im scared''
Him:''Who cares , if asks you be like ok you saw her and what?''
I didnt say anything back and ahmed eventually fell back asleep while i stayed up thinking.
I felt like i could finally be genuinely happy nothing could stop me from being with him now! i clearly love ahmed unconditionally. I tried sweeping everything the rug all the hurtful shit he had done to me in the past. I was willing to fake that i was over it and that i was okay in order for his love...
I suffered in pain to the point where i started crying like a baby. The pain was unbearable
The first few seconds i felt complete numb it was insane. Its like my body went on combat mode i tried to block the pain out. But The pain was so similar and it reminded me of the time ahmed and i where in the back seat of his car the time i found out about his real identity which was one of the worst days of my entire life. It was the same pain. I started to have flash backs on all the memories i had with ahmed. It was all coming back to me all the pain he had caused me before.
But the real physical pain interupted these thoughts and brought me back to reality and the pain continued
I moaned and cried at same time because of the paini was so loud that he put his hand over my mouth. I just remember the tears falling down my face.
He held my hand while he made '' love'' to me. I guess it was like our souls were inside each other but it didnt feel right and i felt disgusted in some moments. I held his hand as tight as i could and cried. I told him to get off me and stop but he wouldnt until minutes later.
I was shaking uncontrollably I could hardly walk or move i looked in the mirror and removed my makeup off
Him:''Come lay with me babe"
As the weeknd still played i changed into something comfy and walked over to his bed.
i laid my head on his chest. He kissed my forehead and warped his arms around me and closed his eyes.
I in the other hand couldn't sleep. My body was exhausted but my mind wasnt. I kept thinking and thinking analyzing everything that had just happened ''Am i dreaming?'' i thought.
My mind wondered all night and before you knew it.. it was 4 AM and was still awake. The weeknd was still playing so i got up and turned off the TV.
I quietly sneaked over to the door, to go to the bathroom.
And right when i was going to open the door.
Ahmed:''Ey where are you going?''
Me:''To the bathroom''
Ahmed:''Come here and cuddle''
Me:'' Babe i really need to go''
Ahmed:''Ok hurry up''
He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my cheek. I felt so protected i never wanted to leave his side. And i started to over think everything hoping things really changed this time
Suddenly it was 6 am and i heard my phone ring...
Best friend:''Oh my god i think your brother saw me leaving work by your house!''
I immediately called her not caring ifi woke him up
He eventually woke up and distracted me while he kissed my neck
* hangs up*
Me:'' Babe im freaking out my brother might of seen my best friend this morning''
Him: "Are you sure"
Me:''Well no but still im scared''
Him:''Who cares , if asks you be like ok you saw her and what?''
I didnt say anything back and ahmed eventually fell back asleep while i stayed up thinking.
I felt like i could finally be genuinely happy nothing could stop me from being with him now! i clearly love ahmed unconditionally. I tried sweeping everything the rug all the hurtful shit he had done to me in the past. I was willing to fake that i was over it and that i was okay in order for his love...
My alarm went off at 7:30 i turned it off and looked at ahmed he woke up and hugged me i closed my eyes and smiled ,Me:''What time are we leaving?''
Ahmed:''ugh idk later''
I didn't want this to be over i wanted to be by his side forever he made me feel so safe so loved.
This had to be one of the best days of my life i just truly hoped things would only get better.
It was now 8 am and we were still in bed. I fed his fish while he read his book out loud. It was real i was really there, in his room early in the morning without make up, with my hair a messit made me feel comfortable that he loved me for me.
I went back to bed and laid down with my lover..
Ahmed was insisting to have sex again but i was definitely not willing to do it again
He kept bugging to the point i got upset so upset that i started to cry.. I felt used and he was being insensitive. I moved away from him and sat at the end of the bed. Looking at him and rolling my eyes, brading my hair not knowing what to do.
Ahmed:''Im sorry baby i forgot you're my delicate flower and if i give you to much water you die, come here my Pocahontas''
Me:''Pocahontas?
Ahmed: ''Yes did you know she was really young and smith was way way older ''
.
I changed as he watched me he then left and and i quickly did 5 minute makeup look
because i knew we would be leaving soon.
Ahmed:'' Are you ready''
me:''yea almost''
Ahmed:''Okay im starving we are going to go eat''
i gathered all my things and followed
i was scared pops would see us but he didnt.
As we got in the car i looked around, and realized it was real
that i was really living the moment i was in.
we drove off and held my hand and kissed it.
I was so happy that nothing could mess this day up.
Ahmed:''ugh idk later''
I didn't want this to be over i wanted to be by his side forever he made me feel so safe so loved.
This had to be one of the best days of my life i just truly hoped things would only get better.
It was now 8 am and we were still in bed. I fed his fish while he read his book out loud. It was real i was really there, in his room early in the morning without make up, with my hair a messit made me feel comfortable that he loved me for me.
I went back to bed and laid down with my lover..
Ahmed was insisting to have sex again but i was definitely not willing to do it again
He kept bugging to the point i got upset so upset that i started to cry.. I felt used and he was being insensitive. I moved away from him and sat at the end of the bed. Looking at him and rolling my eyes, brading my hair not knowing what to do.
Ahmed:''Im sorry baby i forgot you're my delicate flower and if i give you to much water you die, come here my Pocahontas''
Me:''Pocahontas?
Ahmed: ''Yes did you know she was really young and smith was way way older ''
.
I changed as he watched me he then left and and i quickly did 5 minute makeup look
because i knew we would be leaving soon.
Ahmed:'' Are you ready''
me:''yea almost''
Ahmed:''Okay im starving we are going to go eat''
i gathered all my things and followed
i was scared pops would see us but he didnt.
As we got in the car i looked around, and realized it was real
that i was really living the moment i was in.
we drove off and held my hand and kissed it.
I was so happy that nothing could mess this day up.
Finally we arrived to the destination, i was a bit nervous for some reason.
As we walked in the restaurant i zoned out and looked around i saw people eating, i looked over at ahmed and smiled
Him:''What are you getting?''
Me:''Well i dont know im not really hungry''
Him: ''You have to eat something''
He ordered and then we sat down,
Him:''Ill be back im going to the bathroom check if they have the order''
I sat alone for a minute or so, I felt good and happy
Ahmed returned shortly, and we both waited a couple minutes for our food.
While we waited stared at each other, i didnt need him to say anything for him to make me smile.
As we ate a little girl walked by us..
Him:''Shes cute''
Me:''I know right ''...
An hour later we left i was sad i didnt want it to be over i wanted t to spend more time with him but that was not possible. Things where not that easy and i still had to follow rules smh im still very young i couldnt yet do whatever i want and even if i could Ahmed wouldn't let me live... We disscused how i needed to take PLAN B as soon as possble,
Ahmed had it taken care of it already, i thought that was a bit weird
but didn't want to question it.
He stopped by his friends house, since his friend's girlfriend had ton of PLAN B's
and he gave one to ahmed like wtf? who does that but again i never questoioned it. Who knows if that was true we will never know who gave it to him..As we drove back home i held his hand and didn't let go for the whole car ride
my love for him grew stronger and only stronger. in her heart it was all right. Ahmed stopped by at Taco bell by my house to get me some water so i could take the pill.
He drove me back to the Apartments, i begged him to stay a little longer
but he couldnt
Me:''Babe wait dont leave yet''
Ahmed:''Babe i cant i have things to do i have to go pay bills and go clean my room''
Me:''Can we take a picture please''
Him:''No i look like shit''
Me:''Babe please you said you would!''
Him:''Fine hurry''
Time was out and ahmed had to get going and i honestly just didnt want to let him go,
Him:''Text me when you get to your room''
Me:''I love you'' and we kissed.
I watched him drive off i stood there for a while and smiled
and had to get back to reality,
i fixed myself and took a deep breath. I didn't know what to expect, i didn't know if my parents where mad at for not sleeping at home that night. But i was ready for all that was coming. i Honestly didn't really care
I opened the door and my dad started to yell at me i didnt say much and i rushed to my room.i Laid in my bed and had a moment to myslef and started thinking of that night with Ahmed. I called my cousin and told him what had happened in full detail.And later fond out i was going over his house, so i showered and got ready, i was very sore and could not walk normally.
The next day i did not hear from ahmed at all and surprisingly i didnt think anything of it and wasnt bothered by it. The next day he messages her.
feb 26th
AHmed:''Morning''
Me:''Good morning love''
Me:''What are you doing''
Him:''Thank you for not sweating me''
Me:''Why do you say that? and im in brunch right now i miss you''
Him:''Miss you too''
Me:''It was a special night i loved it !Thank you
