To be honest I wasn't going to send this to you but I tend to write my feelings out a lot or just even look in the mirror and speak my heart out and cry and cry until I can no longer talk. I pretty much just act like your there in front of me just listening wishing you were really there.And Since I cant say it to your face I wrote it out.
I've probably said these things before and I know none of this doesn't matter at all to you but let me just vent.
I love you Habibi
remember when i would call you that? or sugarplum?, daddy , king?
when i would randomly tell you i loved you to remind you that I was there.
I miss your eyes and love your smile.
But i hate what you've done to me.
And i just cant understand how a person can tell you so many lies and never really feel about it.
lies after lies ,and after lies, then came tears,tears after tears
Tears you witnessed and did not feel no type of remorse for.
Here I am feeling stupid as ever telling you all this all over again telling someone who gives 0 fucks about me.
I don't understand how you can be here still supposedly trying to get me back texting me everyday telling me you love me ect, but your still ONLINE talking to girls , messaging them, leaving comments ,adding, searching the hashtag #SJSU ect to find young chics to add/ and talk to.
how could you still be doing this how?
And you just wont ever stop
I honestly did think you were changing a little at least a tiny bit
And i was totally wrong once again.
Sucks to see the person you love tell other women how beautiful/perfect and amazing they are
that shit kills me
And it has left me deep wounds
Wounds that I can never recover from, that will forever leave me scarred
And I feel so betrayed by you
Simply because I thought you were this different person
the one that promised me
the one who swore they were faithful
''Im not like these other niggas''
''Once your 18 we will get married''
''Me and you together are unstoppable''
''Your my princess I will kill whoever hurts you''
Crazy how the one who said they'll kill anyone who hurts me killed me
I feel stupid, dumb and naïve for ever falling for your words
The same words you use with these lame bitches
HONEST to God I never thought you'd be out here behind my back entertaining bitches
And when i started feeling like you were cheating on me months before I found out, you still denied it.
I feel so Disgusted and let down by you simply because
I now see who you really are
A man who's attracted to younger women
loves being online all the time like a creep
A man with no standars ( You said you didn't settle for just anything but guess not)
basically you are everything I thought you wouldn't be.
And im confused because you told me
I was the only young one you were interested in
how you wanted someone with good morals
someone who was pure with a good heart
My dumbass thinking I was special to be the one
but I wasn't.
I feel like i've been stabbed in the back simply because
you turned out to be everything you said you wouldn't.
"I don't fuck with social networks''
why oh why did I believe such a lie ?
If I met the man on one
How could I ?
I was to blind to see,
I guess love really does blind you huh?
I feel so embarrassed because this relationship was filled with so much secrets
How dumb of you karla for crying out loud
the man was on dates with other women while you were at home at fucking home!
You dam idiot Karla! obeying everything he would ask you to do !
I always thought you were unknown to every bitch, and thought he's out there making moves and hes all about me.
But the man was out here making other women fall in love with him.
I wonder who else loves you like I love you
I wonder who she is or who they all are ..
And I think its really fucked up how you can be the best significant other ever , yet the second they fuck up, your life is altered.
I always told you ahmed , Love is about trust, being able to open up , honesty, and consistency and now I know why you never delivered it because you didn't care about me.
How could you do this to me ? 3 years ago you asked me ''tell me if this is real so I can invest time in you''
and here we are 3 fucken years later, I got no where with you , like how could you ask me that when you where lying about your whole identity like what the fuck were you thinking what where you expecting to happen ?
I really fucking thought that meant for the long run but it was all a dam lie.
What ill never understand is why me?
I never did anything to you, for you to lie to me like that, to treat me like a peace of trash, to ignore me for months, To make me wait 3 FUCKING YEARS OF MY LIFE ahmed to wait to turn 18, those 3 years where FUCKING HELL for me and to know you were out here dating other women while I was being loyal to you KILLS ME, How could I be so naïve ? to think a man wont cheat on you when all they want is pussy , why on earth did I think you were waiting for me too? why would I think you were celibate those whole 3 years? I was nothing but nice to you , sweet, caring and loving I guess shit wasn't enough for you.
This all really fucking hurts simply because I lost my virginity to someone so mean and evil.
It was a big mistake. Yea I said it a mistake
loosing it you was a mistake , I really thought I was going to marry you one day I really did.
You took that away from me , you took my heart and my dam virginity
And now I just feel empty,
I wont ever be the same girl thanks to you,You put me through so much bullshit and please stop acting like you didn't
You need to Understand that Cheating on a girl is deeper than you realize, Destroys he outlook on love, her future relationships and peace within herself
And if anything i have insecurities because you put them there because I never had them.
Don't forget that after all I still love you but that doesn't mean ill take you back and if I ever do, I know it wouldn't work because some things just cant be UNDONE love take care and don't contact me no more.
sincerely , karla
