The other day I told him "you are amazing ! you've never left, still here after all the bullshit and drama we've had. I love you & you always know what to say to me when things are wrong And you really care & i see passed that tough guy that you are .. i love you so much 1st man I've ever been with! i love you and know i appreciate you " his response was not what I wanted it to be..wish he would say those things back to me.. I want to help him, like fix him..I just wana hug him...just wanted to scream at the top of my lungs and say i LOVE YOU!!!!!!
I felt like i was getting to know the real him and understanding him, and honestly he never expressed any feelings except anger. I always tried to comfort him. I guess I felt bad for him and I feel like that's why I feel more love for him more than I ever have before.
But Every time i thought things were perfect, things weren't. Knowing that things didnt get any better itwould make me want to end it even though i loved him. Deep down inside i knew its a waste of time.
I tried being dry with him so he could know i was upset or when i tried to ignore him he would know something was wrong since im always texting and trying to give him attention and idk i guess he figured how unusual it was for me to act. He started to blow my phone and kiss ass and like always i believe his fake promises. And I've realized this is a cycle. Every time i would try to leave him he would beg me not to go and told me he loved me, he always says things like ''youre going no where! the fuck are you talking about! you're mine''
Fuck I just need some type of sign at this point I cant do this anymore.
The holidays were just around the corner and our birthdays were also coming he has convinced me that it doesn't matter that age is just a number. , but idk i still feel like he isn't even comfortable with me. He's always like paranoid and always mentions how i better not qreport him to the police. Idk why he accuses me. Either way he knew what he was getting into from the get go so why a problem now? THIS JUST REALLY PISSED ME THE FUCK OFF like he basically doesn't trust me even though he said he did SOMETIMES.... is it normal for him to feel this way in his situation. Like to feel that way, since he is a lot older?? Is he afraid of getting caught up because of our secretive relationship? honestly i fucken hate being on the down low all the time, we could never do anything out in public ,which makes me just doubt everything! he knows my age why was it a big deal now after so long?i can go on and on about this but what do you think? the other day i told him ''relationships consists of love & compassion and support and understanding being able to listen to people ,communication is key ,trust & honesty '' all he would say is ''so i been told ''..... you cant make him understand anything.
 |
| ''i love you and ill miss you'' |
I definitely wanted to see him before i left, So we met up a week before my trip i was so happy to see him. AND of course it got sexual he couldn't keep his hands off me till the very last minute we were together.
He kissed my hand i kissed him and again for one last time. We hugged for a long time '' i love you ill miss you so much! bye.''....
I honestly thought about that night the whole time I was in mex.
I missed him so much i just wanted to go back home!!! kiss him and hug him, after i got back i texted him
" im on my way back home
he replied anxiously and i guess he was a bit mad? he resended so much times ''plzz reply!" i barely had service down in Arizona so i tried my best ''i know you were ignoring me this whole time Ive been texting you '' i said
''babe i was in Mexico for 3 weeks im barely coming back'' he replied
'' wtf are your parents thinking taking you over there its fucken dangerous for you to be out there wtf !''
I guess he was mad but seemed to be happy i was back and alive lol. I feel like he cares but sometimes it seems like he doesn't im trying to understand his ways but its confusing i feel like he is sincere even though he doesn't pour his heart out and isnt affectionate
Am i ever going to leave him? ugh idk if my future is already written or he's here to teach me a lesson.
There's so many days were i find myself
I had the courage to finally ask him something I've been wanting to for the longest time
'’babe can I ask you something and can you be completely honest with me?
Him'' WHAT?''
Me''are you in love with me ?’’
Him''yes’’
he was so damn short but i was so happy he said said yes, i never asked him if he was IN love with me before ,i knew he loved me but didn’t know if he was IN LOVE i jumped, smiled and screamed !it feels so true
January 2013
It was Finally AQUARIUS SEASON!
I was finally going to turn 17!.. We didnt do anything special for his birthday and i didnt get the chance to see him. But i was super excited about turning 17 i was going to SAN FRANCISCO with a friend for the night to celebrate my birthday, He honestly didn’t like it at all, normally the plans were to hang out with him instead. He said he had a surprise for me but of course it didn’t happen, he was so mad for going to San Francisco since he'd told me i couldn't go from the beginning but I did anyway and I didnt care
Couple months later i realized our 2 YEAR anniversary was close wow how soon already two years ? ! I was so happy that we've lasted this long it was crazy how things happened. I met him when i had just turned 15 years old. When i was a freshman in high school. Crazy how time flies ! i felt like it was 5 years instead of 2 years, i had been through so much we sweared it was more than 2 years. It seemed like yesterday when i was so nervous to meet him on that rainy day.
I tried planning something for our anniversary. And i know something is going to happen, Honestly scared to loose it. Scared to loose it to him. I dont feel ready at-least not yet but sometimes i felt like i was or maybe because he talks about it so much. This shocks him. The plans were to spend a whole evening together and basically the whole night too and have sex..
"After our date we'll go to my house ...Ill make sure its a romantic night ...with candles rose petals some wine" ...perfect night.
Thats exactly what i wanted our anniversary to be i truly loved the idea but still a little unsure about making love. I just dont know
We were planning this for like 2 months and he seemed anxious and so was i.
I felt like i have a lot of shopping to do for this date ! i need a new Dress, some lingerie and get my nails done..lol
Im always trying to impress him. I was looking for a nice special dress or cool outfit a week before. I needed to look amazing for him. I was stressing the following week i didn't know if my period was coming
Gross i know
He's not going to want to hang out if im on my period!! Luckily it came the week after our anni. I was was super excited he had a surprise. All we talked about was our special day "so excited to see you can't wait to celebrate these two amazing craziest years we've had together !''
I was ready and anxious it was Friday the 19th it was 12:40 pm i got off early from school i rushed to the nail shop to get my nails done i know im such a girly girl. It was also lupitas birthday that day and i was going to her small birthday party that she was having at a hotel that night. So i needed to be ready at 3pm since she was going to pick me up at that time. The plan was to get to the hotel and get ready and celebrate lupitas birthday and wait for him to pick me up later that day. It was 3:10 pm and i rushed home and packed everything and left. I spent the whole day getting ready at the hotel. Not sure why i did that but i guess i just wanted to look pretty. Lupita did the same this was at the hotel already. I called and texted him and no reply this was around 4 pm .."hmmm he's probably doing something he'll call back im sure " I tried waiting patiently and i began to do lupitas makeup. It was already 6 by now, and no call or text TBH i wasn't freaking out at least NOT YET.
''he said he was picking me up at night, AND its not dark outside yet" it was the perfect day, a sunny warm day no dark clouds in the sky. Perfect time to wear a dress & a perfect day to celebrate. by now it was 8pm people were coming over and were of course drinking and smoking "no thanks i don't drink " honestly all i could think was about him
I was mad as fuck!! ''were the fuck is he and why hasn't he called ! i didn't want to think the worst. I didn't want to ruin my friends birthday party or let anyone know i was upset. I called him again and no answer ....
"hey its me karla where are you ? Call me back ASAP bye" leaving a voice mail didn't do much, I was officially upset and everyone noticed
"lets take a walk by the pool so you can cool down and get some fresh air "one of my friends said. I think this walk made it worse I broke down crying. I couldn't take it anymore "why did he do this to me?" (It was 10 pm by now) i felt like the bride who was stood up on her Wedding day ..it was such a horrible feeling i didn't understand what and why ! i was feeling so many emotions really disappointed in him how could he? (looking down with tears running down my face. I just wanted to go home. Viviana called me "hey what's going on has he called ?" ''NO!'' ''and i don't think he will ''
''i really just want to go home i don't want to be here " "ok well i just got off work I'm on way to the hotel we will talk when I'm there "
she got there about 8 minutes later, the birthday girl wanted me to sleep over but i couldn't "I'm sorry i love you but i can't im not my self tonight and all I'm going to do is think about him " "well you need to get drunk Cmon! Here drink this!!!" She gave me a cup of Ciroc. I smelled it and made a face "no its not me i can't !" "DO IT!!" This made me remember when he was really upset with me the time when i smoked weed because i was pressured to "friends don't make friends do things they don't want to do " but at that moment i didnt care i just wanted to forget his lying ASS atleast for the night. I couldn't manage to drink the ciroc
"i can't im going home! happy birthday i love you just know I'm not feeling good tonight please understand " my friend was already drunk so she just nodded. While i got all of my things ready i walk over to step out WHEN my freaking phone rang "OMFG ITS HIM !WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" me and my best friend ran to the bathroom (it was 11pm by now) "hello were are you ? why haven't you called me back!!" " were are you ?" "At the hotel were have you been? !" right after i said this lupitas drunk ass came inside the bathroom MAD AS HELL talking shit "fuck that nigga hang up the phone you ain't going no were karla! you better not fucken go down to that level " Viviana was trying to calm her down "shhh stop!!!!" While i was on the phone saying "oh my god hold on my friends mad " He clicked right after he heard the whole discussion. I didn't know what to do i had no choice but to leave the hotel , as soon we got in the elevator my best friend said ''call him back we need to know wtf happened and hear his excuse '' i said you're right'' as we are walking out the lobby getting to the parking lot i called him knowing i could yell at him since i was no longer inside the fancy hotel
"WERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN ALL FUKEN DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M GOING HOME NOW FUCK THIS SHIT IM DONE FUCKEN WAITING FOR YOUR FUCKEN ASS I FUCKEN HATE YOU! "
Him: " what!you're going home !!? Why wtf!?"
Me:''Don't fucken ask why ! acting like you ain't done shit wtf is your issue i waited all fucken day for you and you do me dirty on our fuken 2 year? !!! Wtf Dont fucken talk to me man " i immediately hung up.
Then i received a text saying some bullshit, while we were on our way back home he called me again "were you at ? '' I'm across the street from my APARTMENTS with my friend
Him: "wow are you serious? well meet me half way in san jose"
Me: "wtf?!! i can't believe you ,you did the most shadiest shit ever to me like real talk that was fucked up dude I'm truly hurt "
there was an awkard silence for like a minute
Him:" I was biking 100 miles and I'm barely going home" i honestly just wanted erase him !.." WHO THE FUCK GOES BIKING KNOWING THEY HAVE FUCKEN PLANS WITH THEIR SO CALLED FUCKEN GIRLFRIEND FOR THEIR FUCKEN 2 year anniversary mann wtfff!!!!!!??????" Again there was another awkward silence. He knew he'd fucked up so he didn't say much
Him:"I'm sorry call me when your home"
Me: " na wtf I ain't calling you for shit " he repeated himself ,''KARLA call me when youre home
i said !" no i fucken won't "
Him: " ok then i will''
We parked in front of my apartments i called him once again "i can't believe you did this to me how fucken dare you!! " He remained quiet ..."i didn't want to do this to you "
Me:"the fuck you mean!? "
Him:''i didn't want you to come over because if you did i was going to want to have sex and i didn't want to do that with you, i didn't want to hurt you "
Me: ''why couldn't you just fucken tell me you weren't comfortable me going over and sleeping over from the get go ! why would you get me excited all i wanted is to spend time with you i fucken hate you!! "
Him: "Call me whenvyou're home "
viv was like right next to me and we were whispering which he over heard and got mad "just call me when youre home dude seriously "
So i ran home, and it was about 12 am by now. Right when i stepped into my room i dialed the first thing he said was "dude don't be fucken telling your fucken friends about me wtf you know i don't like that shit i heard you whispering to her wtf !!"
Me: ''Don't even try to fucken put me on check right now dude when you have no right! what was today about ? obviously our 2 years didn't mean anything to you, always took me as a joke i hate you"
Him: ''stop i love you ill make it up to you ill take you out "
Me: YOU ALWAYS SAY THIS SHIT AND YOU NEVER DO ANYTHING how are you going make it up huh? "
Him: "ill take you to the As game "
Me: "fuck that i don't like sports! "
Him: why not its fun"
Me: "no! dude" "
Him''ok then what do you like? Ill take you to Disney on Ice then "
Me ''wtf seriously stop treating me like a child" "Ok then Barney? " omg stop your really making me upset "
Him: ''ok well I'm going to shower think about what you want to do.
I was talking to myself then I realized he hung up on me but i texted him right away and right when i was about to hit send he texted me "sorry i didn't do it on purpose the call got dropped ,think about what you want to do though " I called him several times that night but he never answered i messaged him asking to answer me. "so i know what i want now " " ok and that is?" I want that promise ring you promised me 2 years ago" "Mmm ok will see".
It was all a damn joke to him. He minimizeD everything Didnt feel bad about nothing
I feel like im always trying to forget about the mean things he does and ive realized he tries to buy me. I truly thought he would get me that RING but he hasn't. I try not to bring it up because he'll get mad. I just want to have a healthy relationship with him and not have any arguments so I will usually always do what he wants me to do even if i dont want to. Honestly the love i have for him is real and no one can take that away from me only person that can is HIM, he's the only one who can ,he holds my heart and soul and i hope he doesn't hurt it anymore.
But sometimes i ask myself why do i have to take it i just hate feeling like this but i know he will someday either years from now he will be different. I always start overthinking it and i start to cry. Even though he's done what he's done i know he does genuinely care i hope..
Him:" I fucken had a dream of u, Someone took u 2 Mexico and I came to find you. And get you, some Mexican guy had your phone And I had to kill everyone to get u
Me:" Aww babe no that's horrible! "
Him :"I love u "
Him: Wat really hurt me was that they were going to have sex with you and I was NOT going to let that happen!
I fuckin was lookin for you everywhere! ,you got a hold of me and tried to tell me where you were and I couldn't find you in abandoned buildings. But then I found the
House, And went in the backyard and hellllllla people were back there and I was calling and calling your phone and some mexican guy had it and cancelled it
I was like wtfff Where's my wife and started fighting ,Then found you and Kissed and i woke up
me: "Awwww babe !! Really "
Him : " I'm not gonna let anyone ever hurt you , You belong to me "
I felt so special that he had a dream with me, when he told me things like this i felt like he did care.
This one time i felt like he truly cared was when i went to my uncles house out in fresno. the whole fam were throwing a mothers day party. The thing is one of my cousins who molested me when i was younger was going to be there. I begged my parents about how i didn't want to go and i ended up getting in an argument with my parents. By the way my parents dont even know about that. I got upset and i called him right away he didnt answer no surprise of course. I sent him a text saying i needed him and 20 minutes later he called me back. I told him about this once when we went to the motel because i was scared to have sex and i wasnt ready but i never told him any further details. ( recorded call) Him:''what happend''
Me ''huh''
Him''what happend!''
i didnt say anything....
Him: : ''WHAT HAPPENED!!''
Me: '' My parents are making me go to fresno and you know........... and the guy that molested me ...they want me to go up there its his house''
Him ''for what ?''
Me ''because there having like a fucken party for mothers day and i dont want to go
Him: ''you're going by yourself? ''
Me: '' No, we are all going but i was like i dont want to go and they were like you're going blah blah and i don't want to go''
Him: ''okay..''
Me: ''AND they're making me go when hes going to be there i dont want to go!!!''
Him :''Well they're going to fuken make you go no matter what , well the only thing to do is dont fucken its either, you have 2 choices you can either tell them A :what happen OR B: dont tell them what happen and your going to have to,not not be by your self and be by your parents the whole time''
Me: i guess so...
Him : ''So there's 3 choices actually, theres 3 choices , the first choice is dont go ,uhhh wait! theres 4 choices, theres 4 choices the 1st choice is dont go ,and fight your parents the whole time. the 2nd choice is go and just dont be by yourslef with him and if he says anything then u fuken call him out, the 3rd choice is tell them wtf happend or the fourth choice is ill fucken go over there and fkn square it away. So you have 4 ,theres only four choices baby your caught between auhh uhh its called a hard place and a rock theres a saying for this for these kind of things, hard place and rock,
okay? don't be in a fucken! don't be in a room by yourself! dont fuken do any of that shit your going to have to be outside in front of people, if you go to the bathroom your going to have to bring someone with you OR you can bring it out and tell everyone whats going on.
Me: ughhh but i am SCARED
Him: ''you have to be be a woman about it girl you have 4 choices what are you going to do? "
Me ''i guesss i have to go no matter what "
Him: ''You guess you have to go no matter what , BUT WAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ARE YOU GOING TO TELL EVERYONE WATS GOING ON?"
Me: ''noo i cant! ''
Him: "why not?"
Me: "its not the right time and im not ready i feel like they wont believe''
Him: ''Your going to have to tell somebody no matter what soon!''
Me:" i know i am but not now ''
Him :''when?''
Me: "i don't know yet"
Him: (aggressive voice) ''WHEN!?"
Me:''I DON'T KNOW YET! when im ready too tell ''
Him:'' when you get older?''
Me: "Probably when i turn 18"
him: ''So next year''
Me: ''yeah "
Him: ''ok well youre going to have to be if he starts bothering you, if he touches you, you say dont fucken touch me!, infront of everyone thats it, thats what you have to do ,have to do that infront of everybody, tell him hey don't fuken touch me and if he ..if everyone says hey wats wrong you ,say ask him
Thats it,be like ask him, be like i don't want him touching me Ever i don't want to fuckn see him! , Say it like that, i dont want him fuckn touching me
ok? Make sure your by your parents make sure your by your brother make sure your by people that you trust 100% , never BE IN A room by yourself or ill fuken go over there and tell everyone by my self.
Dude ill fuck that fool up one on one !''
Me: Ok
Him: ''HE DOESN'T WANT TO FUKEN SEE ME ,TRUST ME ill fuck that fool up, he doesnt want to see me, cause eventually im going to fuck him up! ,maybe not right know maybe not in the next couple months maybe not this year but trust me im going to fuck him up soon! its going to come to him dont worry about it, its going to happen im going to see him soon! This foo thinks hes going to fucken get away with this fucken bullshit
He has another shit coming dawg, fuckin with the wrong girl
Im going to fuck that fool up eventually, youll see when hes not expecting it when he thinks its all goooooooood And hes fucken just sitting there laughing and shit im just going to fuckn hit him........
BAM! he's not going to know wtf happend, he's going to think what da hell is going ..bam! hes going to get hit again, until i fuck him up bad! you'll see don't worry i haven't forgotten ''
Me: ''Okay''
Him: ''Thats the only thing you could do the only thing you can do ,you cant do anything else, its either A. you're going to tell everyone one or B. you're going to have to fucken go fight the bullet and just fucken take it for wat it is, BUT you're going to have to make sure your not in the same room with him do NOT be in the same room with him and if they fucken make you be in the same room with him u fucken ! you better fucken raise hell and be like i do not want to be in the same room as this child molester thats how your going to say it ''
''Thats what you have to do ,you have to do it baby, you have to be a woman ''
Me: ''IM SCARED of him''
Him: '' i know!, hes probably fucken getting all fucken happy cause your coming over''
Me: ughh nooo
Him: ''YEAH I KNOW, i know i know this mudafucker...... be around your brother be around your parents you be around people that you trust, Do not be fucken with him if they say go go go go be like NO and you keep on saying no no no no and keep on saying no, if they push you to the limit you say i dont want to be with this fucken child molester that's exactly how you say it just like that, i DO NOT want to be with this fucken child molester you curse just like that, you have to say this you understand me?
Me: Yes
Him: ''You have to say this say ''i do not want to be in this room with this fucken child molester, say it let me hear you say it''
Me:''i do not want to be with this child molester''
Him: ''NO SAY I DO NOT fucken molester say it again
Me: ''i do not want to be with this fucken child molester (i felt stupid as fuck saying this outloud!)
Him: ''THAT'S WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY! Dont be, don't be laughin its not funny!
Me: ''IM NOT im not laughing!!''
Him:'' ALRIGHT! this is some fucken real shit dude do not fucken take this shit slightly ,
Dude im going to fuck this fool up bad dude! trust me i want fuck this fool up so bad! he doesnt even know what the fucks cracking !''
Me: ''' babe theres 2 of them''
Him: ''huh?''
Me: ''Its him and my other cousin, its 2 of them''
Him: ''they they ...had sex with you?''
Me: No they tried to but i was nevermind i dont want to talk about it''
Him : ( He seemed furious) Alright well you fucken tell those mudafukers yo..do not be around those mudafukers when those guys are around you trying to hug you, cause when you go over there they're going to be like ohhhhh hi ,trying to hug you you fucken do not touch those mudafuckers even if your parents are there be like no! i do not want to be with this fuckn child molester like that!! straight up! you have to let it go dude seriously!!!!!!!!!!!!! you can not let this fucken hide any more! do you understand me ?you're fucken 17 years old. Youre about to be 18 about to be a grown woma
you have to be able to fuckn say this shit thats what you have to do girl, cause im not going to allow this shit either!!!!!, if you dont fuken say it, im going to go over there and fucken say it, ill fucken go to your house ill go knock on your door and ill tell your fucken parents straight up, ill fucken tell your fucken brother ''
Me:you wont!
Him: YEA! well you better not put yourself in that situation , do not go to the bathroom by yourself im telling you right know mudafucker you hear me?! IM TELLING YOU RIGHT KNOW do not go to the bathroom by yourself
Me: okkkk i wont!
Him : understand me!?
Me: Yes!
Him: If you go to the bathroom you better bring your brother or better bring your cousin that you trust better bring somebody! be like heyy just come with me just please wait for me outside, dont go if anyone comes and say just go, say na im waiting for her be like please just trust me tell them like that! just please just trust me, dont go and you better fuken dude! im telling you dude! better not fuken go and you better text me and call me 24/7 and shit what day are you goin?''
Me: On saturday''
Him: ''what time ?''
Me: well we are leaving like in the morning
Him: ''Are you guys going to go there and come back ? or you guys are going to be there all night ?''
Me: We are going to be there all night
him: ''Are you spenging a night there or your going to come back ?
Me: ''No we are going to get a hotel and we are going to be there the whole day and night and we are coming back until sunday''
Him: : ''Ok well be around your parents as boring its going to be you have to fucken be around your parents dude to protect yourself ok?
Me: Yes you're totally right
Him : Cause im not going to allow these fuckers to fuken touch you dude cause ill fucken go over there and fuck those fools up! straight up one on one homie you want to fucken touch my girl and shit!! One on one lets go homie ill fuck your fucken cousin up and ill fuck his other fucken cousin up straight up! i want to fucken bang those mudafukers faces into the fucken floor, they're fucken with the wrong mudafuker dude i aint no bitch they're fucking with the wrong OG i been there done that i aint no fucken punk! ''
Me: ok babe stop i know youre not
Him: Thats the only options you got, its either you tell them or you fucken ,i mean eventually im going to make you tell them dude its either going to be now or fucken the next year ,your going to tell them soon and your not going to hide this shit im going to telling you that right now !
Me: Mmm well its easy for you to say but this is serious you're the only person that knows dude so stop
Him: Your going to tell these mudafuckers, your waiting too long
Me: I dont think ill ever tell my parents dude they're in my family i dont want people finding out and saying its not true
Him: I dont like this shit!!!!!!, i mean if there fucken disrespecting you at your own pad when your brothers there pshh i can only imagine what theyre going to do when your over there ! do not let them suck you into anything do not let them fucken touch you do not let them get fucken close to you if they ever fucken touch you!
You push them away do you understand me?
Me : Honestly i dont think they'll talk to me at all. I hope they dont i havent seen them in years and one of them just got out of jail
Him : You Say you get the fuck away from me !
Me: I just don't want to see their face
Him: You say, get the fuck away from me
give me their # ill fucken call them up !
Me: Seriously you're acting crazy stop I don't have their number
Him: Well you get their number, get their fucken number you get their fucken number! ill fkn call those mudafuckers up! if they want to fucken meet up one on one ! we fucken do this shit homes whatever we will do this shit homie
Me: Have u lost your mind stop you're not starting anything chill out
Him: Yea! we can fucken do this shit homie ! ill fuck these fools up trust me dude, ill fuck these fools up so fucken bad you dont even know!! ill fuck one up and ill fuck the other one up like 5 min later
they're fucking with the wrong one! this shit! mudafukers pissing me off right know ..they're fucking with the wrong one!
Honestly this conversation made me feel like he did care but at the same time i felt like he didn't because he was very controlling and always told me what to do and i feel like he took this as a joke like he knew dam well he wasn't going to go and tell my parents knowing our age difference but then i thought maybe this is the way he shows love and affection. I think i will always have love for him because he's the first guy to touch me, first guy i kissed, first one that has ever said ''i love you'' to me He is my first boyfriend im so attached .I know that i will never forget him even if i end up marrying someone else and have a family. I feel like you don't forget your first love there's different types of love, you can love some one a certain way but it cant be the same type of love its always different. I feel like he has taught me many things in life things others couldn't he says he does things for my own good, many times i doubt this but then he apologizes for hurting me "please forgive me I'm not perfect " he's right but things get old and people get tired am i right ? ''Men don't take the opportunity when they can...they think your always gonna wait for them... But life always goes on!''
And just like the song says "but the good ones go... if you wait to long " Theres many moments where i want to leave him for good and be gone for ever, go missing and forget everything ,erase all the memories, all the kisses , all the i love you's, all the i miss you's,e verything that was said ,erase everything ,erase all the messages, all the calls, all the good times ,all the bad times , all the sad, horrible times. ERASE him for ever and just be gone , gone gone like the wind, like how a balloon disappears in the sky. Have him need me like i needed him, sometimes the one you love the most is the one you have to let go....
6/13/13
Things are confusing all the time everything was going great!!! but then things started to fall off again and i dont want to deal with it no more i dont want to be with him but he holds me back. I feel hostage. I have a bad feeling and i wish i could get real advice but no one really knows about except my friends and were all in the same boat young and dumb. Idk what to do but im not happy and he makes me feel like shit most of the time. I feel unable to stay & unwilling to leave
